emchy: (Default)
time is feeling so whirlwindy that i can barely think. so i will go day by day.

friday - work was cukoo crazy and i was rush rush rushing and thinking to myself - was i really in new orleans just four days ago? - but there was gypsy punk to be had. so i ran home got myself some acceptable fashiony goodness, confirmed that the video camera was charged and ready for filming and zipped right back to the same neighborhood i work in :) to have a whole different kind of fun. met up with [livejournal.com profile] postmaudlin for a wonderful partner in crime / date for the night, and dancy danced and filmy filmed and fell in love with [livejournal.com profile] humanwine and looked at all of the pretty things and got short but sweet facetime with [livejournal.com profile] whittles ,  [livejournal.com profile] fightingwords , [livejournal.com profile] mc_kingfish , [livejournal.com profile] rivetpepsquad and a few other folks that i am sure have LJ's but i don't know them. home late (as usual from a hubba) and got all the videos up on the youtubes. phew and crash out.

sat - wake up early since rooster has an early film shoot. make the coffee, open the windows that the hard morning air that smacks your face and says wake up! this day is waiting! did some minor house cleaning, physical therapy for the arms and accordion practice. cranky and grumpy with arm pain. probably due to stress of sunday photo shoot. also know that the vagabondage logo is being looked at by the most awesome [livejournal.com profile] sagahar and maybe finalized, omg yay and nervous - what will it look like - squee!!! art for hubba postcard by the always impressive R.Black featuring vagabondage comes in - time to figure out how to get it printed (with thankful help from [livejournal.com profile] mc_kingfish ) and there is so much bandy band my head is swimming. rooster and i take the lucky dog to the park and then make a tasty tasty dinner and watch Ace in the Hole - but with commentary on - so i still need to watch it again. Damn Kirk Douglas is a sexy motherfucker.

sunday - eek ack eek. time change hell. wake up running late. suitcase of loaner clothes packed. coffee had. mid level anxiety about loaner clothes smelling like smoke and having to pay damages and being bankrupted. run out, pick up loaner corset, happy face, no time for coffee,sad face, stop by store for bread to go with lunch for crew, damn traffic ARGH ARGH ARGH, and in oakland only 15 minutes after [livejournal.com profile] elusis and [livejournal.com profile] lemonmerchant have arrived. [livejournal.com profile] elusis being the fantastic fucking art director. (pictured below). once i am there i take a deep breath and chill the fuck out. fancy is made, wine is opened, clothes are played with, and smoking is delayed for when clothes are zipped away safe in the suitcase. later red beans and rice rock my world, we all jam a little together, and then once it's just me and punk we put away two more bottles of too expensive wine and end the night with a lot of yay.

monday - omg i love having mondays off. wake up to the new vagabondage logo. HOLY HOT DAMN ITS FUCKING COOL. and hold on now that the shoot is done and i've seen the new logo - my arms hurt less. hilarious. wake up slow with a mean fucking headache and coffee helps. putter around doing art work and de-cat hairing the loaners and checking everything back in. drop rooster off at another film shoot, head into town to return stuff - whoohoo no damages. meet up with [livejournal.com profile] smallstages for coffee that turns into a snack that turns into dinner - she so tricked me! :) then to punks for regular monday practice and to do a first run through of the pics and then a few songs jam - damn love that upright bass, and blackened catfish and then to hubba to see [livejournal.com profile] elusis do her awesome singy thing. so good. SO FUCKING GOOD. and then home and rooster is catching a cold from too many outdoor film shoots.

today - back at work trying to get into the groove and feeling too hyper. dinner later with a friend and then weds - sun every night is zorn zorn zorn. it's a little overwhelming. but damn i am excited.
emchy: (Default)
+ homemade bread from gram's recipe made and omg tasty
+ goat cheese spinach & turkey lasagne created, cooked, eaten and omg
+ veggie spinach lasagne created and damn it looks good - ready for delivery for tomorrow
+ walking the dog in the rain and the water feeling alive on my face
+ needing a quick run to walkgreens and having the car, cash and time to go do it without a lot of stress
+ rediscovering the old cd recordings of the radio shows including songs i had forgotten
+ calling instead of texting
- 2 hours window of sad melancholy (not romantic melancholy) for no discernable reason except dehydration
+ lifted weights / played accordion / drank water and killed the melancholy allowing gratitude and light back in
+ catching up on the weeks trashy tv with the wife in full couch cuddle mode
+ i think we're either watching almodovar's talk to her, life is beautiful or pandora's box still tonight
+ dog and kittens are so cuddly in this cold weather
+ some housecleaning done
+/- kinda wrote a new song but didn't write the music down
+ san rafael tomorrow to close out freelance job and get paid
+ new job with the GAYS WOOT! starts on tuesday.
+ day two of ten days of valentines (to celebrate our ten years together)
+ getting back on the horse with self care in a few different ways
emchy: (Default)
tonight was an unusual night in the quest of me having balance in my life and ensuring that i do in fact see people that are not my coworkers. to that end post work i hustled my ass out to oaktown for the wonder of true texas enchiladas - mmmmmm fucking tasty - and some good trashy tv with [livejournal.com profile] smallstages  and [livejournal.com profile] gordonzola . [livejournal.com profile] muy_macha  was supposed to join us but sadly had to settle for chiming in via text from the san francisco satellite office. which she did and well - often texting in what had just been said in the room. overall though for real it was a really good night. driving over with the sun vaguely setting lake merritt did its best with pretty and small hidden paths to tempt me to stop and explore. tempt me to stop and move in. tempt me to throw over san francisco for these sexy and mysterious oakland wiles that seem to keep pulling in more and more of my chosen family. company and friends and life and work talk was more than good. i took the long way round getting home to ensure some maximum night dreaming time. i told the music pal last night - you just gotta put those feet one in front of the other. i keep thinking of that. how true it is. i've felt so lost for a while and it's like finally i am seeing the vaguest outline of the path. i've been on it the whole time but only now am i starting to see it. i am not even sure what i am seeing just yet. but there is something, some consistency of direction and some sort of building happening. what's she building in there indeed.

now trying to hammer out these words fast enough so that the bed can hold me up with sweet sleepy dreams and not over tired night sweat nightmares like the last few nights.

tomorrow is a benefit for obama junk band music thing at the rickshaw.
friday is an accordion jam out in hunters point.
saturday is music all damn day
and sunday is either inlaws or sleep.
we'll see how reliable i can be to myself for these plans that i want want want to do - even if i do them solo

hot damn it was a busy week. next week is recoup from it all and figure out what comes next. life is a parade.

emchy: (Default)
so after getting up around 7am, blogging and trying to control my allergies of doom i crawled back into bed and crashed out cuddle style. a couple of hours later just after 10 rooster woke me up and said LET"S GO GET COFFEE and GO TO THE OCEAN! so we threw on clothes and went. so we got caffeinated and got oceaned and it was so good. yay getting the rooster out of the house. yay for rooster no grad school moments.

full of salty air we moseyed over to doppmonsters bday beach brunch and snacked on some pre breakfast fruit and oj. by then i was in need of real food like nobodys business. so we headed down the coast hunting for eggs. we ended up at nicks awesome diner (dancing and cocktails!) 40 mins after they stopped serving eggs. :( so sad. so we got crab sammiches and headed back to the homestead for rooster work.

i have been hit by a little sunburn and a lot of body tired. i fucked up my shins with last nights fun so am a little hobbly today. and my stomach is past cranky and full of no win. its like you know how you feel when you burn the candle at both ends for too long. yea it's all like that. full of achey and janky and not feeling goods. but my heart feels better. and my brain too. tired brain but not fail brain.

so now i just have to sort out which errands need to be done today. because i am pretty sure there are some. and i think they were pretty important.
emchy: (Default)
sitting on my couch with a sleepin wife, a happy dog, food on the way and the ocean sunset glittering at my eyeballs - i got no regrets.
picking up my sqeezebox in a bit for some practice. gonna watch the old buster keaton film go west after that from jaman.com
later on even gonna work on some poems and buy the tix for the fall tour hopefully
tomorrow a good pal starts working at my job - woot
on friday a different good pal is reading at the SF library
on saturday vagabondage is recording some more
on monday vagabondage is performing at hubba hubba in oakland
on monday a different pal is starting to work at the job
on monday i am proving my margarita skillz
on weds rhubarb whiskey is recording some songs
on friday another awesome QOM
on sunday going to the santa cruz film fest

it's busy. it's full of win.

i maybe tired and fighting off the cold of doom / strep
but for the first time in a long long long ass time
it all feels ok. i am on top of it. it's good.
holding on to that teenage feeling.
emchy: (Default)
in oakland tonight i drank on a front porch, watched the dog play, got [data embargo] on me... EW, and recorded more music - this time just for kicks. managed to leave SF just in time to run run run from the fog. oakland stayed sunny though a bit cold. home late and need to go to bed for the day job in the morning. below is an example of why i heart oakland. btw - anyone on this list have experience reading that book "a new earth" i can't figure out what i think of it yet. but i only just started it.


Mar. 3rd, 2008 11:11 am
emchy: (Default)
+ invited to do a reading in seattlein april which is going to end up on NPR
+bought plane ticket for atlanta shows!
+not sunburnt but still have the sundrunk feeling
+new manuscript is ready for action (as soon as the author is eep!)
+ reading with Ackers Daughters on April 12th
+ reading at Radar TOMORROW OMG
+ read on open mic at K'v last night and i like that piece out loud better than on paper
+ my good pal is gonna conquer the health shit - omg
+ going to punk rock circus accordion show at gilman on Thurs with one of my oldest pals
+ fall tour is being planned for the midwest
+ tattoo at 330
+ i love my accordion
+i love you
+ got a pal a job interview and sent another a freelance gig that should pay her some $$ for a minimum of effort

i feel like kermit the frog with the yayayayayayayayayay!
emchy: (Default)
panic has subsided while worry has not. it will work out because it has to. but it won't be comfortable getting there. i want to leave the paper behind and put my fingers under rocks. dirt instead of ink under my nails.

the bag is smiling
the owls are not what they seem

i prefer these turning words making simple sense in complicated ways
it makes the mind work out
the important parts it forgets on roads that don't bend.
emchy: (Default)
the rain is so drizzly and charming today.
coffee is on, the HalloQOM detroit-esque industrial mix that Sherilyn made last year is on reminding me of Judi and Lansing antiques hunting rain. Smoking cigarettes all shielded from the rain so they wouldn't get soggy. Later on dressing up to go gay club and try to get the freaks on. Refilling waxy fast food cups with Boonesfarm while we drove to here and there. Whoever was driving nursing one cup for the drive and then finishing a bottle pre bar.

I think today we're going to chill and be all domestic. Rooster just brought me coffee in the Big Cheese cup. I have an accordion lesson at 4pm. Sizzle to try to make and then an at home private recital performance thing in Noe Valley and then the hot band Her Majesty the Duchess at the Elbo Room if I have any energy at all.

QOM last night was great. [personal profile] brownstargirl kicks all kinds of hotness with her words and her fierce and her amazing. I was so impressed. So charmed. I love when writers move me like that. Blood rushing and matching the beat of the words until my heart beats differently from the hearing of it.  The open mic readers where fun and moving and sexy and funny and it was good. I am afraid if I name check all the LJ in the house I will miss someone or fuckup their names - but it was good to have you all there. Thank you for showing up and supporting and sharing and making it matter. It was teh goodness.

I originally was going to try to hit an accordion jam post QOM but left my poor squeezebox at home. Instead a small fraction of our horde headed to the Orbit Room - nope too crowded - to the Mint for a drink or two. Um - karaoke. Yep. It was good and fun and social though my head felt weirdly disassociated. Maybe it was feeling too much Michigan in a San Francisco bar. Not sure.

Today is stretching out before me and the biggest decision is whether I go to Rainbow before or after accordion time.
Not bad.

east bay

Nov. 8th, 2007 10:51 am
emchy: (Default)
I slept over in the east bay last  night. spoke art that raised roofs. drank black lemonade with grass vodka. spoke to michigan. spoke to a recording of my past. and woke up to drink coffee next to a pool before driving a feast into my office. the day already feels surreal. like i am walking in a poem i wrote. one of those things that's so visceral and everyone finds the profound in it except me. to me its just common sense. the sky is grey in the nice way. the soft fuzzy blanket that means we need to build a fire way. i kind of love it. but i wish i had a fireplace. and i wish you were here too - so we could sit on the rug and play trivial pursuit. drink some good wine and eat nibbly things. our toes baking from the fire and cheeks warm from laughing and sharing the booze.
emchy: (Default)
busy at work. didn't eat until 2pm. getting SO MUCH done. trying to fight bad impulses. was going to make a ton of queer open mic stickers and then saw how teeny tiny moo's options were. and their postcards are too pricey. so i made a buncha uber cool qom promo images and don't have a use for them... YET! except eye candy here i suppose. WHEE.

i need more coffee.

that's all really. i am excited for qom later.
emchy: (Default)
i have a heart full of heavy and veins full of sea salt running in protective worry circles around my feet today. i am walking forward with concrete buckets nailed to my feet. i see wide open skies and cottages set back from open roads a few thousand miles and a few hundred turns away. but the walk in front of me is arguably more cliff than path. i walk on it anyway. trying to enjoy the view. the trees. the hard fuck smell of eucalyptus and the wet fall mud swamp smell of the pond 50 feet away.

i feel lucky and tired. it's all too much and none of it is enough. exciting and overwhelming and full of the banal tasks that end up mattering more than grand life philosophies. the world keeps bursting its seams with cruelty and wrong. i am still waiting for the theory of equal and opposite reactions for every action to come true. when are the murders counteracted? the injustices? the wrongs? there are people doing right in the world. and there are more people trying to tear them down. i still believe in art and love and friendship and that the good wins in the end. i am full of naive and hope and hold onto faith that i may never know that equal and opposite reaction that counteracts the evil, but that enough people hold enough good that somewhere and somehow it happens.

so i got these grains of hope in my hand. i am working on planting them. watering this faith. trying to keep me and my hope alive until i make up enough of those miles, turn enough of those corners, to where i get to see that wide open sky, and flop down laughing and comfortable on your broke down couch in that cottage. just be patient. i'm gonna get there.


Sep. 5th, 2007 11:21 pm
emchy: (Default)
real fact based truth vs emotional truth?
i think lately i have been walking in a whole lotta emotional truth and not so much with the fact based
i like my feet in the dirt
i like facts.
when i look at the facts i am doing alright.
i wish i was doing.saying. being more. but i also feel done with apologizing. especially to myself. about where i am and am not with my own placement in my life. call it bday time re-examining. but i am done with wanting to worry. about things. i want to move forward. i want to create and do. and i have been creating and doing. i have been moving forward. and the more that i do it offline, the more room i have to actually call, email, text people and reconnect with them. last night while rooster got some film feedback i waited for her / took myself on an art date writing at ritual. i wrote for 2.5 hours solid before happenstance brought [profile] sherilyn to my table. it's been a long time since i have written so much longhand and you know what? i had the devils grin on the whole time. you know that smile when you know that it's all just too perfect and it feels somehow sinful to be that happy. i had that. after a day where i felt like i never wanted to even exist anymore. i gave myself some time and some space and tada. when the words leave the brain, the paper fills up and the brain, it finds space.

i am excited for the next year. and i don't think that jinxes anything. i want to put the gas pedal to the floor and just TRY everything. i dont know what that looks like yet. maybe it means i finally answer my cell phone once in a while. (eep). maybe it means more nights at cafes writing. or more nights at gypsy jazz feeling life in my blood. or days wandering parks. or more impromptu trips to other parts of the country. i'm not sure yet how living all out realizes for me. i do know that i am writing more. and the more i write, the closer fact based and emotional truths get. the more firmly in the dirt my feet are, the more poems grow between my toes and make me pay attention.

i have some people who are showing me immense amounts of love and care without a whole lot in return right now. i am getting to a place where i can return it and that makes me so happy. i got some owe-ing to do. and the me that has room to go to oakland and walk in a park, to meet at the club and talk all night, to come over for dinner and hang out, to call instead of text or email, to pick up the phone when it rings, to go to the market before breakfast, to do all of these things that make me full of joy. that version of me is starting to surface. i don't want to scare it off just yet. but i am telling you. even with the sad news (twofold) that hit today. i have a crapton of hope. and hope really - is what gets me through.
emchy: (Default)
so i was obsessing about the haircut enough that i emailed the bassist from the bellmer dolls and was all - listen i know it's weird - but do you have pictures of your hair? he was so nice. he sent over his haircut inspiration picture right away AND directed me to flickr to find more. nice. for no reason - so nice. those are always the ones that get me.

then today at lunch final_girl and I traded precious things. thoughts. treats. hugs. such a gift.

at home more precious was traded. more thoughts. hugs. dreams. futures.

i got some super sad news too. sigh. but i will suck it up.

i need a new lease on me. i like me, but it's like i need a little makeover. part of this is prolly clothes not fitting right and clearing out for summer and fall. the 33 bday approaches and i want changes.

i also want new ink. the antlers ink. a haircut. i think i am dyeing my hair dark again soon. and just in general - i want some new aesthetics that have been brewing for a while but not $$ feasible. i have let my curviness dictate how i can't dress and i don't want to do that anymore.

i don't want to spend the 8/14 paycheck before it's spent. but in my dreams... whooo boy do i have plans.
i am channeling my grandfather. i want to carry that tradition. dammit. it will be mine.
emchy: (Default)
woke up this morning feeling scared. scared of myself. of where i am and where i am not. where i want to be and if i have the strength and courage to get there. to be open hearted and brave and love myself. to face my friends with that same open heart and feelings are just love them in person no strings attached like i love them in my heart when they're not right in front of me. scared of where i am and am not going as an artist. scared that i might not be able to do it. scared that i can see the road to my dreams and that i won't be strong enough to make it to the end. scared that i'll just be invisible forever. scared that i will turn away from the adventures i want. scared that i just can't do it anymore. just afraid that i somewhere along the line turned down the wrong road and i am on the failure path.

and what i hope is. those fears are there because it's what i am facing. THOSE are the safety net that i am turning away from and so my insecurities and patterns are turning up the volume because they don't want me walking away and towards good and powerful things. they don't want to be left behind. so they're getting louder. the louder they are - the more resolute i am to leave them behind.

i want a lot of things.
some of them are in progress.
some of them need a plan.

time to move forward as much as possible.
emchy: (Default)
It's official

I will be published in print in two antholgies this year.
I could not be more excited about this.
Today I sign the second book contract of February.
Which also happens to be the second book contract EVER for me.
This also speaks to the paring down. There are two other places that I want to be submitting.
And I have been too burnt out to write on them.
So - moving towards personal goals. Personal art.
More building less breaking.
I find comfort in text.
I need to pay attention to that.

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