(no subject)
Sep. 30th, 2007 09:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emchyi have a heart full of heavy and veins full of sea salt running in protective worry circles around my feet today. i am walking forward with concrete buckets nailed to my feet. i see wide open skies and cottages set back from open roads a few thousand miles and a few hundred turns away. but the walk in front of me is arguably more cliff than path. i walk on it anyway. trying to enjoy the view. the trees. the hard fuck smell of eucalyptus and the wet fall mud swamp smell of the pond 50 feet away.
i feel lucky and tired. it's all too much and none of it is enough. exciting and overwhelming and full of the banal tasks that end up mattering more than grand life philosophies. the world keeps bursting its seams with cruelty and wrong. i am still waiting for the theory of equal and opposite reactions for every action to come true. when are the murders counteracted? the injustices? the wrongs? there are people doing right in the world. and there are more people trying to tear them down. i still believe in art and love and friendship and that the good wins in the end. i am full of naive and hope and hold onto faith that i may never know that equal and opposite reaction that counteracts the evil, but that enough people hold enough good that somewhere and somehow it happens.
so i got these grains of hope in my hand. i am working on planting them. watering this faith. trying to keep me and my hope alive until i make up enough of those miles, turn enough of those corners, to where i get to see that wide open sky, and flop down laughing and comfortable on your broke down couch in that cottage. just be patient. i'm gonna get there.
i feel lucky and tired. it's all too much and none of it is enough. exciting and overwhelming and full of the banal tasks that end up mattering more than grand life philosophies. the world keeps bursting its seams with cruelty and wrong. i am still waiting for the theory of equal and opposite reactions for every action to come true. when are the murders counteracted? the injustices? the wrongs? there are people doing right in the world. and there are more people trying to tear them down. i still believe in art and love and friendship and that the good wins in the end. i am full of naive and hope and hold onto faith that i may never know that equal and opposite reaction that counteracts the evil, but that enough people hold enough good that somewhere and somehow it happens.
so i got these grains of hope in my hand. i am working on planting them. watering this faith. trying to keep me and my hope alive until i make up enough of those miles, turn enough of those corners, to where i get to see that wide open sky, and flop down laughing and comfortable on your broke down couch in that cottage. just be patient. i'm gonna get there.
