emchy

woke up to a foggy overcast day at the casa in Oakland. maybe last night was so fun we stole all of the sunshine? the show at Smythe’s Accordion Shop was amazing. It was also Oakland’s big Art Murmur night so parking was totally problematic and panic inducing. I’m a get there early kinda gal and when it’s 5 minutes to when we’re supposed to be onstage and I’m still hunting for parking (and have been for 40 mintues) it gets to me. a lot. but the whole band arrived in time for our set and then our set got moved back - like these things do - but it meant that I got to be gotten in the performing mood (and out of the panic mood) by seeing one of the Zydepunks, and a wild Afro Brazilian Cuban Fusion three piece band, and this great guy Dorian from LA who felt like musical theater and folk punk came together in one loud musical mosh pit of passion. People were dancing, the room smelled like sweat and joy, there were children, brownies and free beer. My bandmate got shown an actual homemade steam engine in the back and I laughed harder than in a long time. Our set was maybe the best we’ve ever had. Mostly acoustic with one mic we just laid it all out there. I had sweat dripping off of my nose while we banged out solos and jams and murder ballads and it just felt GOOD.

Post show we lost a couple of folks to the hunger demons and so I threw the accordion onto my back and me and my lady and Sizzle the fiddle player decided to walk around and see if anything was still going on. We listened to the jazz band outside of the Ethiopian place, we walked by sidewalks thick with tattoos and smiles and watched folks dance in springtime rituals around a tuba band. Every corner we turned had more music. More people. Most of the galleries had closed up so after about 30 minutes and realizing that any bar in the neighborhood would be packed with seekers like us we got to the car and drove over to Jack London Square. Our destination was Merchants but it was decided that since neither Sizzle nor Rooster had been to Heinolds First and Last Chance Saloon - the ~130 year old bar that Jack London used to frequent - we went there first. I love that place. We put our quarters in the old hand crank movie machine (also ~130 years old), we drank our whiskey, we giggled at all of the A’s fans hanging out post game and soaked up the feeling of a perfect night. Our last drink though had to be at Merchants - a tradition for Sizzle and I. We got there and they’ve started a remodel so much of the charm is lost and the wonderful custom classes were replaced with plastic cups. We still got room in one of the booths and talked film, art, bands, friendships, dynamics, life and everything in between.

When the clock tolled we made sure to get our Cinderfella to BART so he could return to his Castro sanctuary and then made our own way home. Even now - after a nights sleep and waking up to the cold fog - I’m high on last night. Epicly memorable.

And this doesn't even get to yesterday day time - where I got to have Bourbon/Cornflake Ice Cream with a scoop of Iced Coffee ice cream, walk around the mission a little bit, get some cute buttons from Needles & Pens and then try (in vain) to put my feet in the water at Jack London Square - all with onefastmove . 

Or Thursday nights goodbye dinner at Ti Couz with fightingwords  and muy_macha  and the ridiculous of the peach compote & white chocolate crepe. 

Or the Wednesday night dinner at muy_macha 's brothers with the bbq'd salmon and so many stars and jasmine smells and friendly squirrels.

Or the Tuesday coffee and park and sunshine and smiling and life talk with postmaudlin .

people. it's been a good damn week.

today is brunch and hopefully band practice. i like this trend.

thank you nerak_g
for the mail treats and for sending me some autumn in an envelope!
note the leaves on the antlers!
xoxo

omg - so tired. had to do the late night porn patrol for one of the sites and am just about for bed. feeling grateful that i have patient friends. people who waited for me and were patient as my life fell apart and back together and apart and just - held it while i went through what was necessary. thankful that i have people that i can call on - but that aren't high maintenance and that we can just be friends and come together when needed and fall apart for space and back together and... how exactly is this defined?

true - i miss the friends that i would stay up all night with. talking and bitching and driving and drinking and smoking.

but i guess somewhere along the way i saw
that i could drink with them on the river
or we could make stone cold sober collages in their closet
or we could pony the dyke march
or we could just get a cuppa coffee once a month, or six months, or year, or two years

and the people with the heart connection. they got it. they got it simple.

i have local people that i see daily that are just acquaintences. i have local people who i see once a month that i consider closer than family. and i have long distance people that i have never met who are sacred.

the common thread. pressure. guilt and pressure do not for me make the friendships. people who just let it happen. who let it be. who let me exist without expectation and what comes comes - thank you. you gave me enough space to really love and treasure you.

i hate to disappoint people. and now i have some people where i can love them - and just... be. love without guilt. it's kind of a new one for me. thank you.

Omigod - so redshrike - i don't want to speak too soon but i think your impatient wait may be over.

Yesterday - with the sun and the skies and the air warm like butter and cool like new grass i ran all of the errands in the world with little success. most of what i was looking for in a pragmatic sense wasn't found. but some sun in my heart and rock on the radio and windows down... makes me think i found exactly what i needed.

Got home still full of life and energy and joy in my lungs. Talked film with the wife. Ate a bit of food. Talked to the east bay mom about our goodtime plans for today and checked in with the friend having the hardest time ever. Often I am afraid of phones. Afraid of awkward silences and not being the conversationist that people are looking for. This time it was fine. and from the few phone calls I wielded came last minute options for the night. Rooster was still needing to be chained to final cut pro and filmy goodness. I looked at my options. Category-ing and classifying old LJ entries or Rollerderby. Who else was going to rollerderby? I didn't even know. I felt like I had been under a rock. I knew it was coming but had been so exhausted, so depressed, so hermited that I hadn't planned anything because I didn't want to flake. OK. Last minute plans are my sort of plans lately. I AM IN. I said.

It was determined who still needed a ride based on fightingwords 's knowledge. it was 7:30. i talked to kampachi  - i'll pick you up at 8. ok. now that i am someone's ride - i am not allowed to flake. woot for understanding my own co-dependence. picked up the people. got to the rink around 8:30. HOLY CRAP LONG ASS LINE. ok. all of the people i was meeting already had tickets. oh those planner ahead people. kampachi  and m (do you have an lj?) waited with me in line and blew the awesome bubbles. (the ground always wins).

i saw SO MANY PEOPLE. (waves to bugsinamber) including a car in front of us with a wally pleasant sticker. i fixated on wanting to meet the driver all night long.

saw the gorgeous and charming final_girl  with the lovely friend for far too short of a time as i had to rejoin my forlorn waiting to tickets place in line. got to catch a quick hug from misterex  as well. got the quick conversations with S.A. and then it was the longest wait in line ever. but praise something - finally i got a ticket and we all went in. kampachi  got the text for where her party of people (fightingwords , avulsionist avulsionist , gordonzola , nunofthat) that i had latched onto were and so we went a hunting. on the way say about a zillion people more that i knew and was wondering how long have i lived in sf? found the people and when i realized that the two groups of people that i was hoping had connected inside hadn't i sent the text so that seats weren't erroneously saved. seats - what do i even mean - the place was so packed it was mostly standing room only. so i stood. yelled. lost parts of my voice. and then was like - wait - could it be - standing one foot in front of me - randomly - black_pearl_10  and pantryslut . HOLY CRAP. yay!

animikwaan  was the most amazing windigo jones EVER. fucking rocked it.

we lost the game sadly. but our half time show - omg. we fucking win the war on that one. femmes and drag kings and prince impersonators and king on king action and femme on femme and mix it up - hawt! i almost felt bad for the richmond side. almost.

classic moment of the night. a richmond fan had joined our group of people thinking that one of us was hot. he bought her a beer. but insisted on still cheering for richmond on the SF side. i pulled him aside. told him. i am sorry that just won't work - you should go to the other side if you want to cheer for them. "but she's so pretty" he says gesturing at my friend. well - if you're on this side - you switch allegiance then. "ok but what if we were all in our own little arena's cheering for our own teams - i wouldn't have to switch then" he says. i reply. yes but then you would be kind of sad and pathetic and alone in your own arena. "point taken" he says. "i think it's fair that i cheer for sf on the sf side" he then says. good. i say and then go back to yelling.