protecting the delicate flowers of yay

on IM with a friend this morning. talking about spring and crushes and how right now - i feel like i have a crush on the world. like i could hug strangers on the street. like i want to roll in every patch of grass that i see and i want to go back to the flower mart and buy every bunch of lilacs they have and lay them out like a bed under pine trees and just sleep there in all of the good smells. sure their branches would be pokey - but pokey in the good way. i guess the thing is - the trouble of it all - that feeling so open hearted to the world is a harsh proposition. there is so much wonder that comes from it. and yet you’re totally vulnerable to the sweet flowers of yay being trampled often not even intentionally. how do i protect my yay and stay filled with wonder. i am trying.

yesterday i bought a neko case album. that will help. also finally replaced that first mr bungle album that i lost in the divorce. the crazy circus music also helps.

i keep meeting people that i get this visceral connection with and never know quite how to follow up on it. there is a writer pal that we email sometimes and we’re both YAY OMG WE NEED TO BE REAL FRIENDS and not just email friends. and we smile and get excited and then... but sometimes it’s just timing. i always trust that gut connection feeling. it led me to my wife. it led me to some of the best people i have ever known. i get so excited that i have a hard time with patience when it happens. the art crushes. the friend crushes. so platonic like we’re seven years old and just found the right new friend. and so overwhelming. like the first poem that makes you cry - but in flesh and blood standing in front of you - laughing and saying see you soon.

a miracle that i feel so good and open after the car break in on friday and the other not so great luck that is falling onto my road now and then. a bunch of writing deadlines missed and flaked on. some self sabotage to be sure and yet. poems are starting to stalk my thoughts again. i feel like the warm honey is in my veins again as opposed to the cold sharp soda water that pushed me through the winter.

it’s all changing.
and born to run is on the radio.

halp?

does anyone here have the now out of print and hard to find Mark Growden Live at the Odeon album?
help please?

why my heart shines

the trees are snowing flowers - band practice woot

real quick because i am tired like the dead. work today was meh. i was distracted by art chirping in my ear and asking me to leave to go play.
 i got there very early and so left accordingly to go play my accordion. after all there is a show on sunday. :) practice was beyond amazing. and i got home, ate with the wife, called back the east bay pal and laughed so fucking hard. he and i are starting a side project of civil war era folk songs. the sort of thing you woulda heard in a saloon out west in the mid to late 1800s. good times. and vagabondage may have a recording session soon. my lord could i have two albums out by fall? my life feels surreal. meanwhile back at the ranch a crafting project is underway, a painting is forming in my head, poems are kinda flirting with me and i have a big crush on my neko case and mark growden albums. sometimes this happens. i see a show and recrush on music and art and life and love all over again. hi i am five. it's awesome.

today during band practice at the park a small boy was so fascinated by the accordion. he couldn't stop looking. he looked like me at last weeks show but our roles were reversed. at one point he came up the steps and was looking so close at the keys. i smiled and nodded and he helped play along. it was awesome to see that look of wonder on his face. he MADE that noise. so good.

also while we were there the wind kept knocking down the cherry blossoms on the trees like it was snowing. so gorgeous. so so good.

i have some sad in some places but today was a total gift.