slobber

re upddates when drunk a good idea? the night wasn't even supposed to go this way - and now i find myself infactuated with a keyboard and my own thoughts at 1:29am on a sunday morngin - makes me think of the johnny cash song that willie nelson wrote
"sunday morning coming down"

tonight was a mirage of good times and crowded dance floors. mind you it wasn't supposed to turn out that way, it was supposed to be runnning a quick errand making a necessary appearance at a housewarming and then home. i undersestimated the powers of fag friends who know which drinks i like and know how to get me queeny and ridiculous and o so very gay. post party i was convinced to go to "Drunk and Horny" a new gay club in the lower haight at SF Underground. i felt so short. after last night at hot pants, and you know at most dyke bars i amon the taller side at 5"7' but nt in the gay bars...damn. this is when i hate being short. i get so beat up by gay boy butt bouncing and dancing and the elbows in the head - damn girl work it out on someone your own size

serves me right though - i know the terrain, my time to roll with the punches

the weekend has thrown me a bit so far - went to meeting today, realied that i dont try to save people anymore so much as to enter into mutually supportive friendships - i like that. though why i am whining over some lost folks in my head i am not sure. tonight i got to see one of those said lost folks at the party. a little weird, incredibly scary. if philip hadnt been there i would have run. thank god he told me she was there before i saw her independently and acted the fool

my mind goes into such funny places. all of which are [data embargo]

for the first time in a while - i have a secret
and rthe thing about secrets - they always want to be told...

blargh

sitting in offices that used to be mine
helping the lady with filemaker hooha
and i warm my brain up to thinking and problem solving and remember why i got so tired of working for film festivals and the disorganization and lack of respect that people have for the tools that help them get their work done

it is software abuse and then they blame the computers for user error - it's like killing the messenger

at least i can fix it
and then look and hope and pray for something interesting in the glamourous world inf internet bladeeblah to distract me from the fact
that i am so close to the old burning bed and the damage just floats to the surface
oil and water

these rooms smell the same and we all know what a trigger a smell can be

brilliant moment

when my gay male friends fix my shirt and necklace because (and i quote) "girl you gotta show off the jewels"

yes - those boys love my cleavage...

that always makes me smile

(no subject)

there is hope out there
somewhere sometime soon
the light in our chests
are about to turn on

(no subject)

the thoughts that run through and i put them vaguely out into the world, and i read yours, and we read theirs and here we all are with our hearts on our sleeves, pain and love and worry tattooed in typeface across our lives and then there You are - silent for the world and talking my ear off

except that i can't reread our conversations, as private as they are - and it's the rereading that i miss. i lose your words like ghosts, and am left wondering, if we ever spoke at all