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crying for beauty
May. 13th, 2008 10:01 ami like that i am being forced to slow down this morning
i do not like that the slow down is at this point looking like i will be late for work
like later than the late i had planned for
i got some great art news this morning which is big with the happy making - more details as they are realized
i feel like - lucky and blessed and like shit hold on hold on hold on to how that feels because how my mind works it can fall away and feel invisisble so fast. i am out of my medicine for like the past week. my emotional rollercoaster is in full swing and i am trying to stay on the upswing of the hill and not let the dips get me down, pull me down, make me trainwreck.
i keep thinking lakes and trees. one of the things i forgot to mention was that the park in fairfax on sunday. there was some tree somewhere made it smell just like michigan. broke my heart in the good ways. it was my second crying of sunday. the first was when i heard the voicemail from my mom. crying from the wishing that here and there could be in the same place. crying from the longing and the missing. crying from the beauty and the love wrapped up in my family of origin and wondering why when i am so close and full of love for people i start pulling away. feet in the grass looking over a stream smelling michigan in fairfax i shed some tears for both what i can't have and the beauty of what i got.
i do not like that the slow down is at this point looking like i will be late for work
like later than the late i had planned for
i got some great art news this morning which is big with the happy making - more details as they are realized
i feel like - lucky and blessed and like shit hold on hold on hold on to how that feels because how my mind works it can fall away and feel invisisble so fast. i am out of my medicine for like the past week. my emotional rollercoaster is in full swing and i am trying to stay on the upswing of the hill and not let the dips get me down, pull me down, make me trainwreck.
i keep thinking lakes and trees. one of the things i forgot to mention was that the park in fairfax on sunday. there was some tree somewhere made it smell just like michigan. broke my heart in the good ways. it was my second crying of sunday. the first was when i heard the voicemail from my mom. crying from the wishing that here and there could be in the same place. crying from the longing and the missing. crying from the beauty and the love wrapped up in my family of origin and wondering why when i am so close and full of love for people i start pulling away. feet in the grass looking over a stream smelling michigan in fairfax i shed some tears for both what i can't have and the beauty of what i got.
