(no subject)

[emchy]

there is this thing that keeps running through my head lately. how we know who we know. and when we know them. i posted a few days ago about seeing some people in a video tape - part of a crowd shot - that i didn't know yet, but now count as close friends. to that end i wonder how many people i cross paths with daily, or rarely, that will be friends or family in my future. sometimes on my way into work on the bus i will see people i know on the sidewalk. once i yelled out a hello. but people never react quite how you want, or at least, not how i want, when yelled at from a moving bus. so now i just notice them. think of aa memory that their sidewalk spectre brings me, and move on. thinking and usually wishing, that instead of moving onto work i could hop off the bus, buy them a cuppa joe and shoot the shit for an hour or two. last couple of days i have been really looking at people. either other bus riders, but more likely the people outside. the distance of variant transportation allows so much more freedom to connect. people will stare at a bus going by. they are so surprised when someone is bothering to actually look back. to make the eye contact. to not break away. and sometimes, to even smile at them. this sort of distant socializing is remarkably easier with my walkman on. maybe it's because more than even the distance from bus to pavement there is also a sound barrier. making everything more surreal. more like my own music video and since i am the lead singer, i get to look at who ever i want. but as someone who walks through the world sometimes afraid and knowing what too much eye contact can get you, it's nice to not be afraid and to see some of the eyeballs out there. we're all holding so much in these eyes that never look at each other. i remember one of the first people that pulled me into new friendship. it was the eyes. the eye contact that wasn't predatory or unsafe. i was allowed to stare. just get right in there. and it was just... friends. and just... amazing.

i am back in a place of excitement about things. sad still hangs out here. but i feel like i am getting the energy back to grab life and live it, how i really want. that. is exciting.

Comments

[liquid-siftings.livejournal.com]

YAY for positive energy!

...and HAWT new icon!

[cindymonkey.livejournal.com]

shucks - thanks

:)

[whittles.livejournal.com]

hoo-ray.
that is very exciting. I'm right there with you.

And public space eye contact is one of my favorite games. I realize now in writing this that I don't get to play that much anymore now that I drive. I miss being the passenger and getting my fill of eyeballs.