emchy

tonight ended the run of five nights of zorn
it was beautiful and heart expanding and a lot like how i have heard people describe going to church - when church is a spiritual awakening / empowering / fulfillment sort of thing.

its the sort of thing i don't actually want to put into more words than that. i want to hold it like the delicate and powerful visceral muscle memory that it is.

tomorrow art rolls forward. lots of accordion stuff and we'll see what comes of it.

tomorrow night trevor dunn will be at du nord playing ornette coleman songs - i won't be there but hot damn that sounds like a good show.

wednesday is the most amazing jason webley show at bottom of the hill which you NEED to come to because it is going to kick insane amounts of ass. he's playing with zoe keating and sxip shirley. it will hard core be the bad ass.

now i need to figure out why i am still hungry and if i should have another slice of toast.

+ leaving fear and ego at the door mean that i'm not afraid to talk to anyone. even people who i admire beyond belief. some of my closest friends are people that had my ego stopped me i would have never talked to. on weds night i walked past that fear again. and last night the new person i was friendly too came up to me post show and remembered me and said a specific hello. i had brought him some of my own art to share just in case this exact thing happened. he looked like a kid on xmas. surprised, happy and charmed. and then he rushed off to the destination that had caused him to cross my path.

+ horns. omfg the horns.

+ talking to some guys outside post show and finding a trombone player. hot damn how exciting would it be to ADD HORNS to a vagabondage set?

+ sitting in the car for 30 mins talking to punk about jazz and our exciting project that is in the works. omg. still tempted to call him during one of the zorn shows and just leave the phone on so he can hear this insanity. remembering his reaction to cobra is one of my favorite concert memories. trumped only (so far) by rooster's face during some of masada string trio on weds.

+ tears coming to my eyes yesterday. a. while reading a friends manuscript. b. while hearing the sax do THAT THING. c. while listening and having the music wash over me. d. when texting a friend about love and music. e. while watching masada clips online to send

sagahar as we late night band / music geeked out over IM

+ new vagabondage song rolling in to our brains. words rolling around making themselves heard.

+ believing in all of the good things and trusting that they are real.

+/- realizing that now that i have a job i like it's even easier to see the road i should walk in front of me. all of the time that used to be consumed by trying to not be miserable is now just open. and so i feel incredibly open. to everything. to all of the possibilities.

+ new project / collaboration that i am so excited for. it's going to challenge my tech abilities but i am ready to go for it.

- still working out how the new income breaks down in the day to day impact and not so good at it yet. something is needed to make up the difference. but something will come.

Last night was the first night of the Zorn Residency at Yoshi's - or the first night I was going to. And OMFG. My heart broke just wide open. Tears came to my eyes more than once. And I was just so so so so happy. The things that a violin, a cello and a bass can do when conducted by Zorn. We were close enough that we could hear the in between song banter and at one point Zorn shakes all their hands post song and says Gentlemen that's really as good as it gets. I couldn't have agreed more. With no video camera or still photo camera to hide behind and with a seat that was literally stage side there was no separating myself or my heart from the music and the free floating goo that makes up my thoughts, feelings and passions felt barely contained in all of the exquisite. Knowing the songs and hearing how and where they were varying from the original compositions was magic. I felt like how I have heard spiritual awakenings described. This is my walk back into music as survival and music as the sustaining force. These nights are my vows. I am on a new road and we all know it but the priorities are set and digging themselves deeper every day and every moment. I am officially looking for a mentor again and I finally am starting to believe that thing that M has been telling me for over a year...

"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but
the best, you very often get it." - Somerset Maugham

Images from last night's playtime