better blast from the past

so last night i was hunting for a lost mix tape for the lady
and found
the FIRST radio show i ever did when i was a freshman in college
and the LAST radio show i ever did the week before i graduated

crazy! i am listening while i make bfast
solo because the lady is out on a paintng job
and it is hilarious because (except got some shortness of breath issues) i sound the same
it seems like i shouldn't

except i went by the handle sister moon

heh

one fun transition:
tom waits: november > two nice girls: birth control and beer > nine inch nails: burn

ah the mid nineties

(no subject)

i am fully mired in memory lane
artsyspaz from high school hung out for a while on friday night - and i love her madly, but wow she reminded me of things i haven't thought of since the month i left high school. things i did and organized, people i loved, things that meant the world that once i was gone just sort of fell away. always except for one. do we always want the one that we had, let go of and can't get again? such a good friend and it seems gone forever. every so often i reobsess and want to reconnect. i don't expect anything except a conversation - that is too much to ask and i don't understand and it will never be resolved and that is what i have to live with.

so today - looking through an old yearbook (intent on figuring out what other dykes there were) i got SO triggered, and of course meanwhile i am listening to my final college radio show, and right at that very moment that i saw a picture that left me short of breath, came my voice on the cassette, four years after high school dedicating a song to this same guy. the first surrogate brother i ever had. and just like the first one, it was great, until it wasn't.

so i'm feeling a little weird. also i am missing an important high school relic that i haven't been able to find for a few months which is making me super cranky. i just wish it was easier to stay connected and not lose people. i used to be really good at it. and i don't want to be anymore.

meanwhile - waiting for friend to call for social before the lady gets home later. it'd be nice to fill my day with conversations and action and reaching out before she is off work and it becomes couple time, and freelance work and grocery shopping. i am looking forward to that too. but don't want to have the solo void and closed circle of not seeing friends today.

act of will power: do not call: patrick or david. this is very important. DO NOT CALL THEM.

unhealthy behavior

anyone have a favorite search engine or site for finding old friends?
thanks.