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Jun. 14th, 2007 10:09 amyou guys i am so tired. wow. now that the HQH show is done (well except for a few parts of post show org of media / and other sundry thingys) i am starting to roll into attending events. i went to The Penis Issue last night and was so blown away. I swear - it's an honor to hear so many talented people. We have really got some special talent in this town. I know we all have faults - but in June - when I get to see and hear the art we make - I love no place in the world more than here. It can be really hard to get up on a stage and just hold your heart on your hand as spectacle - hoping people will hear something in you that touches them - that connects them to you - that connects all of us as community. That happened to me last Friday, on Tues, and now Weds as well. My heart breaks open everytime. I fall in love with people and their words a little more everytime until I wonder if I can hold it all. And then in the morning I run into someone that gives me peace and hope in everything. We smile and sip our overdue coffees together for a surprise moment. And I know - this is exactly where and how I am supposed to be. All of this art and love is exactly what it is supposed to be.
Last night - when leaving a friend to go to the event. I asked for an extra hug. I never do that. I don't know how to ask for a little extra affection. To show that weakness. That moment where my smile and general easy going optimistic self can fall away for a second and just ask - please - i need a little more right now. So hard. The person I used to be never asked ever. Unless you were my lover - I was afraid to ask for anything. The people you are - have been pulling me into trusting for the last few years. Giving me your pain and love and trust to a level where I have become someone, who can ask for an extra hug, when its the scariest thing in the world for me to be that raw and scared for a moment, and I can step towards that friendship, and just be held for a moment and trust.
After I walked to the event, to attend solo, and found hearts and affections and people that are so incredibly good in their blood. It doesn't surprise me - but it floors me everytime.
So. All this to say. That I feel in love with my people today. I feel like I am learning so much about my own heart by seeing yours. Thank you.
Last night - when leaving a friend to go to the event. I asked for an extra hug. I never do that. I don't know how to ask for a little extra affection. To show that weakness. That moment where my smile and general easy going optimistic self can fall away for a second and just ask - please - i need a little more right now. So hard. The person I used to be never asked ever. Unless you were my lover - I was afraid to ask for anything. The people you are - have been pulling me into trusting for the last few years. Giving me your pain and love and trust to a level where I have become someone, who can ask for an extra hug, when its the scariest thing in the world for me to be that raw and scared for a moment, and I can step towards that friendship, and just be held for a moment and trust.
After I walked to the event, to attend solo, and found hearts and affections and people that are so incredibly good in their blood. It doesn't surprise me - but it floors me everytime.
So. All this to say. That I feel in love with my people today. I feel like I am learning so much about my own heart by seeing yours. Thank you.
