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Apr. 9th, 2006 09:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emchyawake. barely. dammit i wish this house had heat. soon it will be to north beach, and then to errands and then later home for the fabulous love that sunday night tv can inspire. i didn't TOTALLY hermit this weekend - saw some people, seeing more today, etc but DAMN it feels really good to be boring sometimes.
driving around fairfax yesterday i am still struck by how much the hometown-esque marin towns feel like the same breed of towns over in michigan. and their proximity to SF coupled with trees and yard and relaxed feelings really pulls me to it. nice is like the only word for it. but odds are that it applies mostly when visiting. to go completely car bound again, not so into that... anyway - i sense our move when it happens this summer will prolly take us to the sunset and not to a completely different county.
another notion running through my head, i know so many people that are really good kind smart attractive people that can't seem to make the love thing work for the life of them. people that i would recommend for anything and trust with my life. who is giving out the good love karma? because i don't get it. esp when i know other people who are much more challenging, or would require their partners to do much more work and compromise and they have zero trouble with the amour. what makes the difference? is it odds and timing and luck? is there more to it or is it really just a crap shoot?
driving around fairfax yesterday i am still struck by how much the hometown-esque marin towns feel like the same breed of towns over in michigan. and their proximity to SF coupled with trees and yard and relaxed feelings really pulls me to it. nice is like the only word for it. but odds are that it applies mostly when visiting. to go completely car bound again, not so into that... anyway - i sense our move when it happens this summer will prolly take us to the sunset and not to a completely different county.
another notion running through my head, i know so many people that are really good kind smart attractive people that can't seem to make the love thing work for the life of them. people that i would recommend for anything and trust with my life. who is giving out the good love karma? because i don't get it. esp when i know other people who are much more challenging, or would require their partners to do much more work and compromise and they have zero trouble with the amour. what makes the difference? is it odds and timing and luck? is there more to it or is it really just a crap shoot?
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Date: 2006-04-09 09:37 am (UTC)Though I think at the heart of it, if you're not willing to put yourself up to be stomped on, used up and then kicked to the curb in the first place, you never take the risk and date.
My problem is that I keep falling for people who have no interest in me. Gotta do something about that. Someday.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-09 09:50 am (UTC)and true - falling for unavailable people only holds the risk for unrequited love - which is it's own circle in hell i am pretty sure - having been there myself on many occasions
yes - doing something about that would be good. you are an awesome person. you do deserve more. then again - there is that risk with the hurty thing again. insanely scary. but at least hearts heal right?
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Date: 2006-04-09 10:56 am (UTC)But there's also the matter of habit - keeping certain certain areas closed off "while they heal" and then being leery of opening them back up again...
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Date: 2006-04-09 11:21 am (UTC)It's just been balanced by the bad sick karma. ;)
For me, a lot of it has to do with being comfortable in my own skin. Moving out here allowed me to find my comfort zone and in turn it helps me be more confident in myself. You'll need that to be brave enough to throw yourself into any relationship.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-09 11:43 am (UTC)This current crush of mine is also the only one I've ever had that's gone this long without either fading away or turning into a relationship. I suspect that might be contributing at least a bit to my inability to get dates, but I'm not entirely sure how. I hermitted over the holidays but, even before I started doing so and after I quit, I haven't been getting very much interest at all. So many of my friends tell me that I'm attractive inside and out, but, for whatever reason, strangers aren't showing any interest in me at all. (Well, except for the occasional creepy guy at bars or play parties.)
I'm not one to talk about Fate, Destiny or such things very often, but I've started to wonder if this "dry spell" is actually what I need right now since I've always bounced from long-term relationship to long-term relationship with less than a year in between them. Maybe I need this time to work on myself and change some of the negative habits that always rear their ugly heads when I'm in a relationship. My current roommate situation is actually helping with that a little, if we were a couple, I'd probably be crankier about the little things that bother me instead of making the effort to choose my words more carefully. I like that change in myself and hope that it continues when I actually *do* start dating someone.
Until then, I'm trying not to let my dateless status make me too cranky or lower my newly improved self-esteem.
Pooh would love this.
Date: 2006-04-09 12:05 pm (UTC)I do know you've got lots of bees. ;)
You always have to decide what you want to do with them. Swat em away? Have some jelly and become a queen, or just hang with the other workers for a while. You always risk getting stung,
Hmmm, now I'm hungry. (giggles)
Re: Pooh would love this.
Date: 2006-04-09 12:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-09 08:37 pm (UTC)