too much coffee chick

[emchy]

i drank so much coffee i am on perma blush for the last 3 hours
i am jittery and feeling a bit ill
i am hydrating and pissed at myself for knowing better

had a wonderful lunch with a shiny new friend
i didn't want to come back to work
it felt like we could've gone on and on

but last night
an old friend stopped by
and only was discouraging
almost disappointed that I am making new writer friends

fuck
i hate people sometimes
i want more time with shiny new friends
or is it all bullshit

i feel like Sally Fields unsure and unbelieving "you really really like me?"
don't know if I actually buy it
but i am trying to
because i really like
these new people
and something in me is stirring
that i am so afraid of
but i need it

i need to return
to trusting my friends
and not coming at them
with what i think they'll like
but who i actually am

i haven't had that
since pat broke up our friendship
i miss him
but i need to move forward