(no subject)

[emchy]

there is too much noise in my head
i didn't go hear poetry
but i laughed and lit candles
but the ceaning never ends
and now i feel like i need to clean out my brain
just a little
lose the residue of last nights dream
of an awkward phone call with someone who defines comfort
to make some space to work on my art, not even just a little, but a lot
to make acres and acres of room and space for stars and thoughts and dreams, the good kind, to come back around and hang out for awhile.

remember that one time, when you went into your room. say you were somewhere in your teens. on a night that was boring and you felt somehow not a part of anything and itchy in your own skin. but then you put on that record, and it all felt right. you flopped into the bed and felt the good firm of it bouncing against your young thighs. felt the universe of the book you were reading take you somewhere, or maybe it was your own words that came pouring out into your journal or your best friends ear on the telephone. but for that night, for those hours of that night, you were totally present and totally yourself. there were no apologies, no making space for anything except you and the figuring out of you and the just simple being of you and beginning to realize how actually complicated that might be. you, were not so simple, but you were on your way to seeing the beauty in the complications.

i might stop writing here for a while. i think i need to go flop on a bed and remember some things. we'll see. but something needs to be... different