emchy

you know what. thank you people. you did good work on me this weekend.

despite the many good and bad things in my brain, i left the weekend feeling much better than i started it. and i do mean much better in a long term outlook on life figuring out how to deal with all of the crap sort of way. i am changing some things (new resolutions as it were). no more bread. much more writing. walks in the panhandle by myself to let the thoughts do that thing they do. less coffee. more water. more laughing. maybe even doing that thing, where you start your day by laughing for 30 seconds. forced laughing, but it helps nonetheless. i want more brief and frequent smiles and coffees with people i love. i realize that sometimes i see people so rarely that when i see them we need hours, and that feels too big to plan for, and so it never happens. but 15 minutes to walk around the park? 30 minutes to grab a cup of tea? always doable. for the convenience factor, i miss that about the mission apt i had. not so many of my peops live in the haight. but i gotta a coupla of you. we'll make it work.

my ex-gay boyfriend may be back in my life. big changes happened for him and i knew that once they did, he would call again. he has. and we're having dinner on weds. for all of my proud tough talk i missed him a lot. i am glad he's coming back. i am proud to bring him back into the ranks of my gay boyfriends.

i need to have a lake in my backyard. all i want to do ever is swim. i am a fish. instead, i will start doing yoga and maybe join the ymca. they at least have a pool...

there is still a lot of sorrow around. but i am excited about life again.