(no subject)

omg - watching the view. this is the first time during my vacation that i have actually done the sleep in, wake up and watch lazy tv thing...
wow. i forgot what tv feels like. it's kind of addictive.

meme from goodbadgirl

I took the "If You Were a Poet..." quiz on gURL.com
		I am... Sapphire Do you tell it like it is, even if "it" ain't pretty? Then Sapphire, (aka Ramona Lofton) may be your poetic predecessor. Sapphire is a jewel of a poet, but you won't find any precious language in her books. Read more... Which poet are you?

what i really want

is a silver pendant that looks like this - i am wondering if this would mean that i don't "need" the tattoo
of course - i can't FIND one like this anywhere... meh.

(no subject)

antlers. guns n roses. muscle cars. lakes. heat.
i think i am missing the home in michigan. all of the stuff that came up for me around the home show. having to dig into stuff and not having the time. having my home here thrown into something much less homey while the wife lives across town. i want to go back up to lake berryessa - which is kinda right - but not exactly - and smell the water more. the swimming hole we usually hit where the water smells just like the lakes of my youth was dried up since we have had so little rain this year. the main lake - it smells good - but much less alive. the water levels were so low that when wading it was all rocks and no muck. which seems like a good thing - but it makes the water smell drier. i got an email from my mom today. short. how you doing email. i didnt call for fathers day / dads birthday / their anniversary (all happen in this one week). i guess that makes me bad. what is really makes me is avoiding. i have been avoiding my family a lot for over a year. i miss them but am not choosing to save $$ well to go back there. i might be able to get back in august. but i also want vacations that aren't about family and are still about travelling. but lately. i seem to be making my life here hold more and more of my familiar touchpoints from there. even the ones i wasn't so crazy about when i lived there.  antlers. metal. muscle cars. i even find myself missing my brother and his mullet. there are ways for me to hold these things now that aren't about irony and are all about holding roots that are mine. honoring and not dismissing the joy and smiles that i find when i am drawn into these things. ski boats on lakes and corn burned in bonfires and dust kicking up behind cars. i cleaned the hell out of my car this weekend. and the trunk yesterday. took steel wool to the hubcaps and really just went to town. this is my father. this is how he showed love. this is me unconsciously showing myself some love and care in the ways that he showed me by taking care of the car. in rainbow on monday - i discovered that they brought my favorite lilac brand back  in. i bought the soap (heaven) and the sachet for the car. my car smells like late may in michigan. sweet and full of promise. when i drive out to the ocean i smell the sharp salt of my home here. as i get to pacifica i smell the sweet grass hot in the sunshine and that's the sweet full promise of summer here. i love my life here. i love my life there as a glimmering relflection of water on a hot blacktop highway.  i am going to keep indulging the pull towards these touchstones of my past. i just wish they weren't pulling from quite so far away.