hell night aka -a rant

the dogwalker lost lucky for the second day in a row. then she eschewed any responsibility, said we have a nervous dog, threw all of these judgements on us and suggested we put the dog on prozac. yea no. the reason she got away is because you weren't doing your job - and i understand that dogs run off, but own it lady! own it and i wouldn't be firing your ass for endagering my dogs life two days in a row. one day she almost gets hit by an ambulance and who knows today.

so work - blech and then radio show - got stuck outside in the rain for 20 minutes due to bad cell reception and fun times on the air and then the stomach pains hit me again. dammit it feels like someone is trying to tear my intestines out of me. meanwhile i am still trying to enjoy the dj fun. then the news from the lady about the dog. stress stress everywhere and i cannot hold all of it together anymore! so i freak out. the friend is grand and i get talked down off the edge. dammit should've had them walk lucky from the get go. nervous because they don't have a great bond. nervous because hiring friends can get weird and i don't want that to get in the way - i like the friendship too much for that. but now i know that lucky would never have a chance to get lost with them - so later leave a message to revisit the idea and talk about it realistically this weekend.

then get home and stress induces minifight and then it's better and the gal pal talks me down again and gives me some professional dogwalker advice and we decide to hold off, take a break on the current dogwalker. the lady calls to tells her and it is so awful and she stays calm and civil but it is bad and i cannot let is all go and i need to go to bed and i am so worked up and FUCK YOU I HAVE A GOOD DOG. she gets nervous around potsmokers because they have abused her. but she has flourished with three random friends walking / dogsitting her with no trouble, she went to a giants game and was unfazed, she has been through two obedience classes and has never responded agreesively to people or dogs, even though she was beaten and has been bitten twice. so don't tell me that the problem is lucky. sure lucky has her issues, and boy do i wish she didn't like human poo so much, but in this case - it is just not working out.

(no subject)

a morning with sunshine and late for work (but the boss is out) and coffee

in the light of day things get better

i am ready to move forward

let go of some control

and get properly drunk tonight.

(no subject)

mid day break to run home and walk the dog
she was totally calm and not at all nervous
ran around like a happy monkey
didn't want to get petted by the children in the park - then again i often down't react well when surrounded by so many 5 year olds either

then she rolled in poo
oy!
so not fun

i just want a few days - maybe even a week where i don't end up stinky like some kind of animal waste

is that really so much to ask? i don't live on a farm, and even when i frequented a farm on a daily basis, helped slop pigs, clean horses, etc. i don't think i actually dealt with so much stinky

sigh

back at work and wishing i had more emails/testimonials/job prospects to keep me from doing my actual work... sigh.

kisses

this is the love i send to all of you
all days all the time...

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