emchy

tonight i was watching the sunset with rooster and thinking how nebulous this end of year thing is. how much humans need and try to make stucture around our concepts of how time passes and work ourselves into (often melancholy) agitated states of taking stock and looking back around culturally shared milestones. i think about when i went to the lake for five days and mostly had no idea what time it was. and to some degree no idea of what day it was. suddenly things moved differently. i moved differently through time and space and while i wouldn't say it was slower by any means - i had more time for breath. since i am human like all others though i see that choosing tonight as the end of a year is kinda just symbolic - i am swept up in it too. and what i want for 2008 is more room and time for breath.

2007 was the year of anger, rages even. of abusing my body. of big medical crisis for people i love. (2nd year in a row for that). of pulling further away from my family of origin and my family of choice. for being mildly sick a lot myself - just enough to keep me worn down all of the time. for digging into some deeper writing waters. for running away from myself. and for running back. 2007 was all about staying in motion while not getting anywhere for my heart. it was crisis prevention. it was healing old stuff and trying not to let the new stuff get out of hand. i got two old super precious friends. i have come close to losing some close people and can feel us holding tight to the distance between us so that it doesn't grow wider. i am hoping 2008 brings us the strength to pull that rope back closer again.

2008 is a year of big dreams for me. i am not sure where it's taking me but i want to leap into it with both feet and no regard for the depth of the water. today was the best end of year day i could imagine. i slept in. i made coffee. i made breakfast. i danced with rooster and we watched old and new lumiere films. then i headed out to meet smallstages who makes my chest just open up with laughter and squee. she ran errands with me and deserves a gold star (or a hundred) for braving grocery stores, banks and yes fishermans wharf with me. here is proof of her awesome


i came home and we ran lucky to the beach and watched a delicious sunset. came home and made gumbo. soon i will change my clothes into something cute and then my super good pal will arrive with my raucous monkey bandmate in tow and we'll give our paramours an intimate band practice to be followed by board games. a quiet gathering of four loud people.

tomorrow i hope to get up early to walk around lake merced and then make the brunchy food for roosters birthday. then we head out and off the grid for a few days in russian river. fireplace. reading. hot tub. writing. hiking. woods. river.

i am not sure completely what my complicated and introspective year end thoughts are. i don't really think i am wired that way exactly. but i know how i want to live in 2008. and that's all i can look towards.

my resolutions
gyspy jazz on wednesdays
more accordion
more band practice
poetry readings on the weekends
nightly walks
friends 2 -3 times a week
date nights
reading
hope
love