emchy

it's been a hard night. looking through the looking glass and seeing the distortions that other people can see. it's not that they're always wrong. but it's... distorted. off. not right. tonight i get to look through all the funhouse mirrors. i think i prefer the flat reflections - honestly.

unrelated to but in the same timeframe. the reading was good tonight. it was small with us three readers but it went well. i am developing a new nervous twitch when i read. not sure how i feel about that - but c'est la vie these things happen. i was sad that ali wasn't reading. and then realized that tomorrow night is a fancy sister spit reading at city lights. ah ha! so the readers are spread out. now it all makes sense.

i was talking to some folks about curatorial issues on sunday night. fuck man curating is a thankless job. i love it. but really. all that work to help ensure other people's art gets the love and attention. it's important and i always try to feature or schedule performers whose voices are crucial and important and maybe even life changing to the right person in the audience. but sometimes i do want to just sit back and go to other people's readings. to sit back and just be a writer. work on just my own work and not all of the word of mouth to get people to come and know about and want to see the amazing reader. and then i hear people bitch about this that and the other and i just wonder if they know how much work and thought goes into trying to make space for art. i wonder if it's worth it. but it is. it totally is. regardless of anything else - making space for art in the world is necessary. making accessible space for that art - is necessary.

i think tomorrow night we finish the holiday decorations. this is our ninth holiday season together. i remember when i was all angry punk rock and FUCK CHRISTMAS. first holiday with rooster i had flipped from fuck it to where's my tree. kinda hilarious. i can't wait to put on eartha kitt's santa baby and just decorate the crap out of the house.

the moon is huge tonight. i am hoping it's holding some good good dreams.