online withdrawl
Jan. 22nd, 2006 03:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emchyfinally a moment online while at sundance. it's a bit odd here. one person said it's like LA but with snow. i wouldn't go there with it, though there is certianly the people here to party vs the people to see films. last night gwenyth paltrow sat directly behind me during a shorts program, which makes sitting in your seat incredibly uncomfortable. because a. i am not a gawker b. i am surely in many of the audience members 'covert' photos and c. i am a seat turner, i usually turn around and give the - it's ok that you bumped me look to people sitting behind me, which is actually how i knew she was there. anyways. then we saw an AMAZING Michael Rappaport film called Special. My co-worker got her picture with him.
today is the big work party. going to try to get into the michel gondry or beastie boys films tonight, but also there is a great queer film too, though if i miss it ca n see it in SF in june prolly.
it's HELL OF COLD HERE. and i have seen and walked in quite a lot of snow.
i keep running into sf people that i know. it's pretty funny really, one of my co-workers is keeping score now because i seem to keep seeing people when i am with him.
i missed the queer brunch today so i could see some shorts, it was worth it.
it's odd to be here with no real friend. haven't had fun that wasn't about just enjoying a film. that said i am not having a bad time either. i really haven't felt like myself lately. this is throwing it into a real contrast for me. i love films. hell, i love life. i usually have so much enthusiasm. but lately, last month or two, i just feel so tired and dead inside all of the time. my spark feels gone. mendocino was beautiful and wonderful but i never really felt excited. here, i am just not quite feeling excited. it's like my heart is numb and i just don't understand. it's like i am alseep or need to be woken up. it's a constant feeling of being fogged in. or like i haven't had enough coffee.
i am not happy. but i am not quite sure why. it doesn't feel like a chemical imbalance. more like not making the right choices with my time somehow. it's not exactly relevant up here since it's all work, but, i need some sort of spiritual wake up call. some writing helped recently, maybe more poems, more baudy tales of circuses and sawdust floors and burlesque shows. maybe i should jion a roller derby team. or a gym. or a play. i don't know. but i feel like a shadowy cliche of myself. and i can't just let me fade away.
today is the big work party. going to try to get into the michel gondry or beastie boys films tonight, but also there is a great queer film too, though if i miss it ca n see it in SF in june prolly.
it's HELL OF COLD HERE. and i have seen and walked in quite a lot of snow.
i keep running into sf people that i know. it's pretty funny really, one of my co-workers is keeping score now because i seem to keep seeing people when i am with him.
i missed the queer brunch today so i could see some shorts, it was worth it.
it's odd to be here with no real friend. haven't had fun that wasn't about just enjoying a film. that said i am not having a bad time either. i really haven't felt like myself lately. this is throwing it into a real contrast for me. i love films. hell, i love life. i usually have so much enthusiasm. but lately, last month or two, i just feel so tired and dead inside all of the time. my spark feels gone. mendocino was beautiful and wonderful but i never really felt excited. here, i am just not quite feeling excited. it's like my heart is numb and i just don't understand. it's like i am alseep or need to be woken up. it's a constant feeling of being fogged in. or like i haven't had enough coffee.
i am not happy. but i am not quite sure why. it doesn't feel like a chemical imbalance. more like not making the right choices with my time somehow. it's not exactly relevant up here since it's all work, but, i need some sort of spiritual wake up call. some writing helped recently, maybe more poems, more baudy tales of circuses and sawdust floors and burlesque shows. maybe i should jion a roller derby team. or a gym. or a play. i don't know. but i feel like a shadowy cliche of myself. and i can't just let me fade away.
