(no subject)

dreamt that i was in new orleans. it was me and my two bandmates. we had a show on royal st and i was't the driver that got us there - but i was the on street navigator. all i wanted was to stop at all of these places we passed and enjoy - but it was all rainy gorgoeus alice in wonderland feeling of i'm late i'm late.  i woke up smelling ocean from open windows - and i was confused - because all i was wanting to smell was river.

i miss it. i miss there.

i haven't ever been a resident. i was a two trip a year and then a trip every year and then every two years and now not for a long time sort of tourist. stayed in the garden district or the marigny and walked audobon park and sat in preservation hall with stupid blue haired smiles on my faces until on almost every trip my cohort was more than ready to go while i grew roots in the floor.

lately i meet people who talk to me about where i live. where they live. where they're going. and it feels like moving points on a map. it feels like looking at the futre and where my point of light is moving. for so long with me and rooster it's been talk of nyc. if not here then nyc. and now it feels like new orleans is working its way back into my plans. it took the post college immediacy hiatus. i got my bearings and set up my life here. now i am hearing that song again. it's like a pull on the lowest deepest part of my heart that i don't quite understand. but it's hard to not attend to a pull that strong.

i am going back in late spring for a writing conference.
i still need to buy the ticket.
what am i waiting for.

SF Rollerderby wins. even when we lose.

Omigod - so redshrike - i don't want to speak too soon but i think your impatient wait may be over.

Yesterday - with the sun and the skies and the air warm like butter and cool like new grass i ran all of the errands in the world with little success. most of what i was looking for in a pragmatic sense wasn't found. but some sun in my heart and rock on the radio and windows down... makes me think i found exactly what i needed.

Got home still full of life and energy and joy in my lungs. Talked film with the wife. Ate a bit of food. Talked to the east bay mom about our goodtime plans for today and checked in with the friend having the hardest time ever. Often I am afraid of phones. Afraid of awkward silences and not being the conversationist that people are looking for. This time it was fine. and from the few phone calls I wielded came last minute options for the night. Rooster was still needing to be chained to final cut pro and filmy goodness. I looked at my options. Category-ing and classifying old LJ entries or Rollerderby. Who else was going to rollerderby? I didn't even know. I felt like I had been under a rock. I knew it was coming but had been so exhausted, so depressed, so hermited that I hadn't planned anything because I didn't want to flake. OK. Last minute plans are my sort of plans lately. I AM IN. I said.

It was determined who still needed a ride based on fightingwords 's knowledge. it was 7:30. i talked to kampachi  - i'll pick you up at 8. ok. now that i am someone's ride - i am not allowed to flake. woot for understanding my own co-dependence. picked up the people. got to the rink around 8:30. HOLY CRAP LONG ASS LINE. ok. all of the people i was meeting already had tickets. oh those planner ahead people. kampachi  and m (do you have an lj?) waited with me in line and blew the awesome bubbles. (the ground always wins).

i saw SO MANY PEOPLE. (waves to bugsinamber) including a car in front of us with a wally pleasant sticker. i fixated on wanting to meet the driver all night long.

saw the gorgeous and charming final_girl  with the lovely friend for far too short of a time as i had to rejoin my forlorn waiting to tickets place in line. got to catch a quick hug from misterex  as well. got the quick conversations with S.A. and then it was the longest wait in line ever. but praise something - finally i got a ticket and we all went in. kampachi  got the text for where her party of people (fightingwords , avulsionist avulsionist , gordonzola , nunofthat) that i had latched onto were and so we went a hunting. on the way say about a zillion people more that i knew and was wondering how long have i lived in sf? found the people and when i realized that the two groups of people that i was hoping had connected inside hadn't i sent the text so that seats weren't erroneously saved. seats - what do i even mean - the place was so packed it was mostly standing room only. so i stood. yelled. lost parts of my voice. and then was like - wait - could it be - standing one foot in front of me - randomly - black_pearl_10  and pantryslut . HOLY CRAP. yay!

animikwaan  was the most amazing windigo jones EVER. fucking rocked it.

we lost the game sadly. but our half time show - omg. we fucking win the war on that one. femmes and drag kings and prince impersonators and king on king action and femme on femme and mix it up - hawt! i almost felt bad for the richmond side. almost.

classic moment of the night. a richmond fan had joined our group of people thinking that one of us was hot. he bought her a beer. but insisted on still cheering for richmond on the SF side. i pulled him aside. told him. i am sorry that just won't work - you should go to the other side if you want to cheer for them. "but she's so pretty" he says gesturing at my friend. well - if you're on this side - you switch allegiance then. "ok but what if we were all in our own little arena's cheering for our own teams - i wouldn't have to switch then" he says. i reply. yes but then you would be kind of sad and pathetic and alone in your own arena. "point taken" he says. "i think it's fair that i cheer for sf on the sf side" he then says. good. i say and then go back to yelling.

is it summer in march?

all of my windows are open with no chill in the air and no hint of fog.
i have on a tank top and am 100% comfortable.
were it not for the thump thump clap from downstairs it would be perfect

fuckit

i call it perfect anyways.

Best of 2004

Going back through LJ to tag old poems that i have lost and am feeling so nostalgic
here are some moments - it is likely this post will grow as the night goes on

#1. 9/8/2004
she was like fonzi
in moose pants

#2 9/17/04
it seems like so many of my friends are recently the victims of emotional drive bys -
if you are one of the recently injured
i love you
i wish people were kinder
let's be good to each other
because apparently
everyone else sucks

#3 9/22/04
i was a vodka popsicle

#4 10/10/04
http://www.wallypleasant.com/Wally_Pleasant-Two_For_One_Coupon.mp3

#5 11/11/04
Tavern in the Town, folk song, 1891
"Oh! dig my grave both wide and deep, wide and deep,
Put tombstones at my head and feet, head and feet,
And on my breast carve a turtle dove,
To signify I died of love."

#6 11/12/04
"your whiskey ran like
the river that i paid for
this friendship
of violence and cigarettes
when you wanted to hit me
i knew that you loved me
because you didn't
but you bothered
to write it down"

#7
i-96 #137