(no subject)

feeling so meta lately. thinking about online presence, personalities, how people translate in the real world for better and for worse. the ways that i can speak my thoughts when typing which feel so ineloquent in person. the ways feelings are so easy to hurt through impersonal text that we have created a whole system of qualifiers and emoticons and triple defending and easing what could be harsh about words just to diffuse the impersonality of typed text and make the human connections.

i am more me when i am writing. so the relationships i build in these arenas of online community feelreal and important to me. then again, when i am typing it is me hurling words out into the void, and well, it feels good to never be interrupted. responded to yes, but not interrupted. a perverse sort of pleasure in always being able to get your entire thought across. to leave and rejoin a conversation after having time to think about it. luxuries that are not so present in an afternoon over coffee. and talks ended due to other appts, or someone asking for your thoughts when you need some time to respond or even just the reality that sometimes it is incredibly hard to be emotionally present and vulnerable in person. whereas online, for me at least, it's not an option. when i am writing, i am just there.

it's just interesting. and i wonder how it relates to my other LJ people. many of you i know in person, some i don't. how are we different? how are we the same? what parts of you change and come forth or go hide when you go online?

(no subject)

ad now i feel chatty and i don't want to just let it go. it was overall a good weekend. a weekend full of not really getting a lot done. but getting just enough done to not feel like a slug or other non moving creature. i did not work on friday, in anticipation of some long hours next week, and the defininte of some long hours the week before. so it finally feels like, ok, i am just rejuvenated enough to go back to work.

but then i am thinking, where has all of the time to spend with friends gone? i feel like there is one parcel of social time per weekend, and maybe one per week and that just isn't enough.

meanwhile, i am trying to learn how to give myself enough space for rest and enough space for play and enough space to putter. i love to putter. i plan to make two and maybe three bread recipes for the family gorging of thursday. what that means to me? jazz and puttering in the kitchen. one of my favorite alone time activities. maybe more pasties could even come of it if i putter enough...

tonight is my first simpsons in over a month, maybe two. crazy.

i have only a few shows to which i have any loyalty. this is certainly one of them.

what are yours?

without cable i have: simpsons, family, commander in chief and americas next top model