doorknob

judi sent me a care package
i am in a dream

a fake lilac - because she knew a real one wouldn't last and they are my favorite
grey glittery cat soap - because that's what we are
a handknit rainbow hair wrap thing - because she doesn't know my hair is short
girls night out playing cards and nappykins - because the lipstick is always blue
a necklace gail made that she wants me to destroy and remake in my own image - because she like me to re and deconstruct gail
bubbly glassblown beads that ask me to rub on them and think of long nights in detroit studios that smelled like cloves patchouli and sandalwood

i love her.

ETA - was not a hairthingy but a doorknob sweater. now i know she is perfect.

(no subject)

lonely monkeys walk slower

yay...blah

i introduced an old friend to a local punk band and she is very happy
i got an email and a package from judigirl in the SAME DAY
i ate a healthy lunch
drinking another cup of caffeine tea
have piratecat on

AND I STILL FEEL LIKE CRAP.

ugh. wtf is wrong with me. time to ride it out...AGAIN.

the help button

do you ever look at your computer adn wonder about the philosophical minds who put help buttons everywhere, buttons that comfort, like "home" with the definitive "end" and the encouraging "pause/break"

and then the web and program designs, the optimistic "view" and "favorites" like going to a website or a document is like picking a flavor of ice cream. "help" is present again.

does it mean my machine really wants to "help" me
or is all of this encouragement merely theoretical.