mondays

sleepy
tired
did not sleep in even once all weekend
starting new diet
everything is changing
had fun co-hosting last night
so much talent in one bar

yawn
can someone sponsor a vacation for me please
very much need more sleepy, more sunshine, and to feel some grass under my feet
maybe even play some croquet on a flat and soft lawn with a mint julep in my hand and some corn bbq-ing in the fire - oh wait, that's not on my diet

sigh. i want to feel playful - it's there, hinting that it might come out, but work is squishing it. squish squish sqiush.

(no subject)

working at the front desk at THE JOB
i forgot how fun it can be to welcome folks and smile and make them feel like - yup it is YOUR community center

fun

aside from that - i am feeling a little snacky, a little inspired
the lady and i are going to look at shoes after work
i just want that one dress
if only the new credit card would come then i could go and maybe buy it

also a bit thoughtful - i have a fancy place to go on thursday and the dress i wanted to wear will not fit (i think) all other clothes feel too casual...

hmmmm unless of course i just went for it and had super bountiful cleavage due to a too tight bodice

something to think about

very important

this is from a close friend of mine. identity is not as important here as provoking a community response. this is one of those times where we can help make a difference in a bad situation with relatively little effort... read on


On late Saturday/early Sunday morning Feb. 27th,
2005 my partner, and i were assaulted outside
of a well-known gay bar called, The Dakota, in
downtown Santa Cruz, CA. I was sexually
battered and assaulted by two men. When the
attack began, my partner stepped in to stop them and he
was jumped. They were screaming "faggot"
and "go back to san francisco with the other
faggots" while they were beating him. He sufftered
a blow-out fracture to his face, his eye was swollen
shut, a concussion, and he may now have to have
surgery to correct the damage to his face. the
men were caught minutes after the attack, thanks
to six people standing outside of the bar and the
unbelievable quick response by the santa cruz
police department. they were positively identified
by both of us and taken to jail. they were charged
with sexual battery, assault, and being drunk in
public. the hate crime language was included in
the report but the DA has not officially charged
these two men yet. they were released on bail the
following day.
since the attack, he has suffered cronic pain to his
face and upper body. we have been told by three
doctors that he was very lucky not to lose his left
eye and that surgery may be immediately
necessary due to the close proximity of the
damage to the nerves in his face. the surgery is
very risky and if done, it will take him a while to
recover.
as for myself, i suffer frequent panic attacks as
well as night terrors. i am planning to see a
psychiatrist due to the frequency of my attacks
and i may have to be on some medication in order
for me to sleep at all.
we immediately made a police report and several
witnesses have come forward on their own and
identified the men who did this. surprisingingly,
the santa cruz police department has been very
cooperative with us and have not only returned our
daily calls but have also assigned a detective from
their hate crimes division to push the case.
we have sought help from CUAV as well as the
Victims Now group here in SF. we were told that a
police report would be released in 48 hours and
that the DA had 48 hours to serve official charges
to these men. the santa cruz DA told my partner that it
would be 3 weeks and everyone we have talked to
says this is not acceptable. we believe these two
men come from rich families, something we were
told was common by santa cruz police and that
this is why they are stalling. the men who
attacked us were in their early twenties, white,
identified as heterosexual, and appeared to be
upper middle-class due to their clothes, behavior,
and the quickness of their release. the detective
also told us that three major newspapers in santa
cruz have called the DA's office seeking info on the
hate crime/sex crime and were told that the DA
would not release any info and that if they did
report on the crime in the media, there would
be "consequences". again, this leads us to
believe that some sort of rich family or something
is involved.
we are asking you, as a community, to either call
e-mail or write the DA in santa cruz. tell them you
are a concerned member of the community and
that you heard through victims advocates groups
about the crime and that you feel as a community
member that a hate crime charge should be
considered and taken seriously. i don't have the
exact e-mail or numbers for them but they are
available through dialing 411. please do not
mention you know us, as the attackers still do not
know our identities (or so we hope). please post
this to any and all of your lists and please do not
use our names (especially my name).
i do want to thank the six people who were outside
of the gay bar and willingly tried to break-up the
attack as well as came forward to police with their
names, numbers, and sexual orientations. we are
very thankful for their courage and help. also,
thank you to CUAV.

(no subject)

i feel unsettled
i want to kick back and relax - instead i am chewing my fingers bloody and worrying about dirty dishes and laundry
i can't seem to get the poems back in my mind lately
it's as if i am looking for the sunny field to lie in
and keep scraping my hands raw on the concrete that i find when i go to lie down

i almost called in sick to work today
i almost caleed in sick tomorrow
but i have too much ... for that
there is a lot to do

i am watching my words run away from me
just blurry enough
that i miss them
everytime

the lady makes cookies while i angst and try not to want any
oh nutrition you are my enemy tonight

yup

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