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emchytoday was a general mindfuck of a day. big changes are like that. jobs are sometimes like lovers, or at least relationships and breaking up with one while the other keeps calling can be a little hard on the heart. especially if you still think the current one is nice and you don't want to hurt them. but really - you know its over. best to just come clean and make it happen. also though there is the tumult of the change. and even with good change it still tends to lift verything up, splash it around and you kinda wait and see where the chips fall. so right now i am still struggling to catch the breath i lost in stress asthma before the big meeting and listening to old blues and loving it like no ones business. thankfully after a couple weeks of go go go this week is mostly mellow after work. mellow in a way i desperately need. to slow it down and reconnect and plan some fun that is calm and rowdy but most of all not rushed.
the other thing for this week is to pull together some stuff. the deadline for the fence books chapbook thingy is this week. and there is an SF Foundation writing thing. i am thinking about trying to get a grant for the in progress punk rock story. some money to pay for a weekend at a hotel might mean that novella finally has more than two chapters. funny thing. i have gone through big emotional rollercoasters around that story. but i can feel it evolving still in my heart even though not more words have been written. its getting more fictional while still holding the heat and crazydrunkfriendlovecrush of it all.
i bought word warriors finally. i love how many people i know in it and am so proud of my friends and feel so lucky for this life where i know talented working artists. back when i was married (the first time) and never writing. i was so desperate. i wanted art in my life so much but not even locking a door and cranking the stereo could get me the sort of alone time to get pen to paper. only when he was passed out drunk and i was close to it could i go in and get on the computer to know that i wouldn't be interrupted. it's a pretty far cry from sharing an office with another artist and both of us working at our desks quiet. we have a duck traffic signal and it works out fine. i just love how much art is in my life right now. i have a small bookshelf next to the chair i use as a desk. on the top is an old bark husk full of river rocks and jewelry, a picture of my grandparents, the stump from last years xmas tree, a deer sacrum, and some shells that a poet brought me back from a writing retreat once. but on the shelves - the treasures. almost two full shelves full of handmade chapbooks. oh sure there are some traditionally published books by pals, but mostly it's hand bound books full of dreams.
we all need more books full of dreams.
i feel so lucky.
oh sure. there is frustration with myself sewn into the quilt of it all. when was the last poem written. what next. when do the plane tickets get bought. how does the new job effect the two tours that were planned for spring / summer. but it will work out. and honestly - in the last month i have sent more pieces out as submissions that i have in the past two years. so sometimes its the submitting time and sometimes the writing times.
i am dreaming of me and my accordion and the midwest withrain_and_rivers . how songs change and are born and fall again. how roads twist and sing and how sometimes the best stories are sung under the stars in fields that smell like clean mud and animals. the way the motels light up the roads like oasis and how the brightest roadside signs are just mysteries to decrypt.
i am dreaming of me and my trophy bones andnerak_g and feeling heat in june like i haven't in so many years. drinking cool drinks in sweaty cafes and pubs and hearing people who words write on my heart.
i am dreaming of me and rooster visiting the family back in michigan and learning who our nieces and nephews are again, of us flying to nyc for bowerys and jazz and gay dance clubs and brilliant walking adventures, and of that trip to mexico that we were gonna get serious about taking this year and maybe going to the town where some of her grandparents people are from in sinaloa or chihuahua.
i am dreaming.
i am dreaming.
the other thing for this week is to pull together some stuff. the deadline for the fence books chapbook thingy is this week. and there is an SF Foundation writing thing. i am thinking about trying to get a grant for the in progress punk rock story. some money to pay for a weekend at a hotel might mean that novella finally has more than two chapters. funny thing. i have gone through big emotional rollercoasters around that story. but i can feel it evolving still in my heart even though not more words have been written. its getting more fictional while still holding the heat and crazydrunkfriendlovecrush of it all.
i bought word warriors finally. i love how many people i know in it and am so proud of my friends and feel so lucky for this life where i know talented working artists. back when i was married (the first time) and never writing. i was so desperate. i wanted art in my life so much but not even locking a door and cranking the stereo could get me the sort of alone time to get pen to paper. only when he was passed out drunk and i was close to it could i go in and get on the computer to know that i wouldn't be interrupted. it's a pretty far cry from sharing an office with another artist and both of us working at our desks quiet. we have a duck traffic signal and it works out fine. i just love how much art is in my life right now. i have a small bookshelf next to the chair i use as a desk. on the top is an old bark husk full of river rocks and jewelry, a picture of my grandparents, the stump from last years xmas tree, a deer sacrum, and some shells that a poet brought me back from a writing retreat once. but on the shelves - the treasures. almost two full shelves full of handmade chapbooks. oh sure there are some traditionally published books by pals, but mostly it's hand bound books full of dreams.
we all need more books full of dreams.
i feel so lucky.
oh sure. there is frustration with myself sewn into the quilt of it all. when was the last poem written. what next. when do the plane tickets get bought. how does the new job effect the two tours that were planned for spring / summer. but it will work out. and honestly - in the last month i have sent more pieces out as submissions that i have in the past two years. so sometimes its the submitting time and sometimes the writing times.
i am dreaming of me and my accordion and the midwest with
rain_and_rivers . how songs change and are born and fall again. how roads twist and sing and how sometimes the best stories are sung under the stars in fields that smell like clean mud and animals. the way the motels light up the roads like oasis and how the brightest roadside signs are just mysteries to decrypt.i am dreaming of me and my trophy bones and
nerak_g and feeling heat in june like i haven't in so many years. drinking cool drinks in sweaty cafes and pubs and hearing people who words write on my heart.i am dreaming of me and rooster visiting the family back in michigan and learning who our nieces and nephews are again, of us flying to nyc for bowerys and jazz and gay dance clubs and brilliant walking adventures, and of that trip to mexico that we were gonna get serious about taking this year and maybe going to the town where some of her grandparents people are from in sinaloa or chihuahua.
i am dreaming.
i am dreaming.
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no subject
Date: 2008-02-27 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-27 07:29 pm (UTC)...keep dreaming
no subject
Date: 2008-02-27 09:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-28 12:13 am (UTC)i can't wait!
no subject
Date: 2008-02-28 12:15 am (UTC)email me some good times in may / july / august when we should do this thing
i think with the new job i can swing a week off with weekends on both ends...