![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Apr. 6th, 2005
(no subject)
Apr. 6th, 2005 04:09 pmi feel like my identity is a mixture of dirt bugs and sailor jerry tattoos. i need to let life lead me for a little while. stop controlling everything. stop worrying so damn much.
on sun nite post k'v final_girl and fightingwords tried to tempt me out para bebidas (is that the right word? i am trying to practice my spanish mas)
i was so resistant - despite puppy dog eyes and kisses. then i stopped myself. why so resistant to a happy time with friends? why so much the feeling of having a curfew and worrying and disappointing and and and. so i went out for the drinks to celebrate the return from distant pastures of my pals. and it was good. how can amazing company - mr. claudimp included - and the presence of ginger not be good.
it was a lesson. that night i dreamt that i was afraid to drive somewhere and my navigator kept saying "but don't you have four wheel drive?" i would answer of course and yet was still afraid to go off road. maybe the car is my spirit guide right now - but i feel like i need to let myself go off the road.
i told the lady that i was going to try to stop controlling so many unimportant things. she thought this was a good idea and then made me dinner and cleaned the kitchen. i was ordered to go and watch american idol and relax.
the result? today i feel more present, more relaxed, less muscle sore and tight and more productive / willing to work than i have in months.
someday - within the next two years i will no longer work in offices. i can feel that to be my truth. i need to let go of controlling so much so that what is coming next can become more clear. because it is clear that it is something. the rest is all mud.
speaking of mud - recommendations for cheap mud spa places in the bay? i wanna go get dirty
on sun nite post k'v final_girl and fightingwords tried to tempt me out para bebidas (is that the right word? i am trying to practice my spanish mas)
i was so resistant - despite puppy dog eyes and kisses. then i stopped myself. why so resistant to a happy time with friends? why so much the feeling of having a curfew and worrying and disappointing and and and. so i went out for the drinks to celebrate the return from distant pastures of my pals. and it was good. how can amazing company - mr. claudimp included - and the presence of ginger not be good.
it was a lesson. that night i dreamt that i was afraid to drive somewhere and my navigator kept saying "but don't you have four wheel drive?" i would answer of course and yet was still afraid to go off road. maybe the car is my spirit guide right now - but i feel like i need to let myself go off the road.
i told the lady that i was going to try to stop controlling so many unimportant things. she thought this was a good idea and then made me dinner and cleaned the kitchen. i was ordered to go and watch american idol and relax.
the result? today i feel more present, more relaxed, less muscle sore and tight and more productive / willing to work than i have in months.
someday - within the next two years i will no longer work in offices. i can feel that to be my truth. i need to let go of controlling so much so that what is coming next can become more clear. because it is clear that it is something. the rest is all mud.
speaking of mud - recommendations for cheap mud spa places in the bay? i wanna go get dirty