emchy: (Default)
woke up to a foggy overcast day at the casa in Oakland. maybe last night was so fun we stole all of the sunshine? the show at Smythe’s Accordion Shop was amazing. It was also Oakland’s big Art Murmur night so parking was totally problematic and panic inducing. I’m a get there early kinda gal and when it’s 5 minutes to when we’re supposed to be onstage and I’m still hunting for parking (and have been for 40 mintues) it gets to me. a lot. but the whole band arrived in time for our set and then our set got moved back - like these things do - but it meant that I got to be gotten in the performing mood (and out of the panic mood) by seeing one of the Zydepunks, and a wild Afro Brazilian Cuban Fusion three piece band, and this great guy Dorian from LA who felt like musical theater and folk punk came together in one loud musical mosh pit of passion. People were dancing, the room smelled like sweat and joy, there were children, brownies and free beer. My bandmate got shown an actual homemade steam engine in the back and I laughed harder than in a long time. Our set was maybe the best we’ve ever had. Mostly acoustic with one mic we just laid it all out there. I had sweat dripping off of my nose while we banged out solos and jams and murder ballads and it just felt GOOD.

Post show we lost a couple of folks to the hunger demons and so I threw the accordion onto my back and me and my lady and Sizzle the fiddle player decided to walk around and see if anything was still going on. We listened to the jazz band outside of the Ethiopian place, we walked by sidewalks thick with tattoos and smiles and watched folks dance in springtime rituals around a tuba band. Every corner we turned had more music. More people. Most of the galleries had closed up so after about 30 minutes and realizing that any bar in the neighborhood would be packed with seekers like us we got to the car and drove over to Jack London Square. Our destination was Merchants but it was decided that since neither Sizzle nor Rooster had been to Heinolds First and Last Chance Saloon - the ~130 year old bar that Jack London used to frequent - we went there first. I love that place. We put our quarters in the old hand crank movie machine (also ~130 years old), we drank our whiskey, we giggled at all of the A’s fans hanging out post game and soaked up the feeling of a perfect night. Our last drink though had to be at Merchants - a tradition for Sizzle and I. We got there and they’ve started a remodel so much of the charm is lost and the wonderful custom classes were replaced with plastic cups. We still got room in one of the booths and talked film, art, bands, friendships, dynamics, life and everything in between.

When the clock tolled we made sure to get our Cinderfella to BART so he could return to his Castro sanctuary and then made our own way home. Even now - after a nights sleep and waking up to the cold fog - I’m high on last night. Epicly memorable.

And this doesn't even get to yesterday day time - where I got to have Bourbon/Cornflake Ice Cream with a scoop of Iced Coffee ice cream, walk around the mission a little bit, get some cute buttons from Needles & Pens and then try (in vain) to put my feet in the water at Jack London Square - all with [livejournal.com profile] onefastmove . 

Or Thursday nights goodbye dinner at Ti Couz with [livejournal.com profile] fightingwords  and [livejournal.com profile] muy_macha  and the ridiculous of the peach compote & white chocolate crepe. 

Or the Wednesday night dinner at [livejournal.com profile] muy_macha 's brothers with the bbq'd salmon and so many stars and jasmine smells and friendly squirrels.

Or the Tuesday coffee and park and sunshine and smiling and life talk with [livejournal.com profile] postmaudlin .

people. it's been a good damn week.

today is brunch and hopefully band practice. i like this trend.
emchy: (cindysmokin)
it was totally one of those days. i talked to my mom. we only talk like once every few months it seems like. maybe its every few weeks. anyway. thunderstorms there are so bad they're out of power and none is coming back until tomorrow night around 11pm if they're lucky. crazy. she asked what was up and i rattled off so many things until she understood why i hadn't called. then she asked - so you're playing accordion in these bands? and she was so proud. it felt so good.

last nights wedding experience was so good. it felt like the high school reunion that everyone always wants to have. people i haven't seen in 10+ years. some not recognizing me because i am thinnner and better hair cut and just more in my own skin. so much laughter and working out the water under the bridges and who got married and who has kids and it was crazy wow. haven't ever seen any of those old punks that dressed up. so respectable and so not as well. i got tapped to maybe do some backing vocals for the ranters. punk and i tlaked up rhubarb whiskey to anyone who would listen. i got my family back there. that's part of the love of punk. whenever i see him i feel like i get a little more family back. feel more in my skin and my history. i really just adore him. and this whole band thing. omg. i just love making music. good or bad. i just love it.

i wish there was more time in june. i need some solo time to recharge my batteries. meanwhile i got shows and rehearsals and want to record more and want to hey occasionally have a date with my wife and and and and... for now its just trying to balance. it's something something most nights before we leave for atlanta. we go to the airport the night of our 9 year anniversary. to me... it feels so right. so celebratory. when we got together i was a poet hiding. now i am a performer. and i wouldn't be there without the shoving me in the ass and support that she did. so somehow us getting on a plane to go vacation / perform in atlanta feels just right.

now its late and all i want is to go listen to more music drink some chamomile and read for a while.
i feel checked out of my life a little being so busy. but in the moment of the busy - my god i am just loving it. i just hope i can grab some of those moments while they're happening. i don't want to lose how this feels. i don't want to lose how it runs through my mind.

and... jesus h christ. i would like to see the rest of you too. its june. lets work this shit out.

xoxoxoxox

YAAAAY!

Oct. 10th, 2007 04:04 pm
emchy: (Default)
thank you [profile] nerak_g
for the mail treats and for sending me some autumn in an envelope!
note the leaves on the antlers!
xoxo

grindhouse

Apr. 27th, 2007 12:34 am
emchy: (Default)
i saw grindhouse tonight
i fucking loved it
i wish that you could see a movie the first time more than once.

MY favorite part
1. machete trailer - fuck danny trejo is fucking awesome
2. rosario dawson
3. stunt women with big steel pipes RULE
4. i like rodriguez's better but the car chase scene in tarantino's rocked my world
5. that there are people in the hollywood system who would make something so obviously just FUN for them... it restores my faith in the world

and my most favorite part - my partner in slushee and popcorn crime - thanks [personal profile] gordonzola - you're a grand movie seeing partner! glad you like my film geek side. and folks really - i was in uber film geek mode. it was pretty funny. and i hadn't even had that much coffee,

friends

Mar. 12th, 2007 11:57 pm
emchy: (Default)
omg - so tired. had to do the late night porn patrol for one of the sites and am just about for bed. feeling grateful that i have patient friends. people who waited for me and were patient as my life fell apart and back together and apart and just - held it while i went through what was necessary. thankful that i have people that i can call on - but that aren't high maintenance and that we can just be friends and come together when needed and fall apart for space and back together and... how exactly is this defined?

true - i miss the friends that i would stay up all night with. talking and bitching and driving and drinking and smoking.

but i guess somewhere along the way i saw
that i could drink with them on the river
or we could make stone cold sober collages in their closet
or we could pony the dyke march
or we could just get a cuppa coffee once a month, or six months, or year, or two years

and the people with the heart connection. they got it. they got it simple.

i have local people that i see daily that are just acquaintences. i have local people who i see once a month that i consider closer than family. and i have long distance people that i have never met who are sacred.

the common thread. pressure. guilt and pressure do not for me make the friendships. people who just let it happen. who let it be. who let me exist without expectation and what comes comes - thank you. you gave me enough space to really love and treasure you.

i hate to disappoint people. and now i have some people where i can love them - and just... be. love without guilt. it's kind of a new one for me. thank you.
emchy: (Default)
+ being the hero at work
+physical therapy for zee arms
- last physical therapy appt
- stressy stressy work as i clean up unavoidable errors
+ i do now have proof that i do a good job at my job
+ getting over to le f.a.g. house early enought to help and hang out with one of my favorite pals (yes you [livejournal.com profile] gordonzola )
+ getting to eat tasty slutty food (i say cheese is slutty - nothing can taste that good and be wholesome)
+ taking cell phone pictures - yes i have become THAT gurl
+ rides home from nice people that rock so hard - i am point at you iamnotandre  (how did i spell this wrong or does lj just hate me?) and [livejournal.com profile] pantryslut

plus pictures!!!
here and at http://www.flickr.com/photos/emchy/playtime )
emchy: (Default)
Omigod - so [profile] redshrike - i don't want to speak too soon but i think your impatient wait may be over.

Yesterday - with the sun and the skies and the air warm like butter and cool like new grass i ran all of the errands in the world with little success. most of what i was looking for in a pragmatic sense wasn't found. but some sun in my heart and rock on the radio and windows down... makes me think i found exactly what i needed.

Got home still full of life and energy and joy in my lungs. Talked film with the wife. Ate a bit of food. Talked to the east bay mom about our goodtime plans for today and checked in with the friend having the hardest time ever. Often I am afraid of phones. Afraid of awkward silences and not being the conversationist that people are looking for. This time it was fine. and from the few phone calls I wielded came last minute options for the night. Rooster was still needing to be chained to final cut pro and filmy goodness. I looked at my options. Category-ing and classifying old LJ entries or Rollerderby. Who else was going to rollerderby? I didn't even know. I felt like I had been under a rock. I knew it was coming but had been so exhausted, so depressed, so hermited that I hadn't planned anything because I didn't want to flake. OK. Last minute plans are my sort of plans lately. I AM IN. I said.

It was determined who still needed a ride based on [personal profile] fightingwords 's knowledge. it was 7:30. i talked to [profile] kampachi  - i'll pick you up at 8. ok. now that i am someone's ride - i am not allowed to flake. woot for understanding my own co-dependence. picked up the people. got to the rink around 8:30. HOLY CRAP LONG ASS LINE. ok. all of the people i was meeting already had tickets. oh those planner ahead people. [profile] kampachi  and m (do you have an lj?) waited with me in line and blew the awesome bubbles. (the ground always wins).

i saw SO MANY PEOPLE. (waves to [personal profile] bugsinamber) including a car in front of us with a wally pleasant sticker. i fixated on wanting to meet the driver all night long.

saw the gorgeous and charming [personal profile] final_girl  with the lovely friend for far too short of a time as i had to rejoin my forlorn waiting to tickets place in line. got to catch a quick hug from [profile] misterex  as well. got the quick conversations with S.A. and then it was the longest wait in line ever. but praise something - finally i got a ticket and we all went in. [profile] kampachi  got the text for where her party of people ([personal profile] fightingwords , [profile] avulsionist [profile] avulsionist , [personal profile] gordonzola , [profile] nunofthat) that i had latched onto were and so we went a hunting. on the way say about a zillion people more that i knew and was wondering how long have i lived in sf? found the people and when i realized that the two groups of people that i was hoping had connected inside hadn't i sent the text so that seats weren't erroneously saved. seats - what do i even mean - the place was so packed it was mostly standing room only. so i stood. yelled. lost parts of my voice. and then was like - wait - could it be - standing one foot in front of me - randomly - [profile] black_pearl_10  and [personal profile] pantryslut . HOLY CRAP. yay!

[personal profile] animikwaan  was the most amazing windigo jones EVER. fucking rocked it.

we lost the game sadly. but our half time show - omg. we fucking win the war on that one. femmes and drag kings and prince impersonators and king on king action and femme on femme and mix it up - hawt! i almost felt bad for the richmond side. almost.

classic moment of the night. a richmond fan had joined our group of people thinking that one of us was hot. he bought her a beer. but insisted on still cheering for richmond on the SF side. i pulled him aside. told him. i am sorry that just won't work - you should go to the other side if you want to cheer for them. "but she's so pretty" he says gesturing at my friend. well - if you're on this side - you switch allegiance then. "ok but what if we were all in our own little arena's cheering for our own teams - i wouldn't have to switch then" he says. i reply. yes but then you would be kind of sad and pathetic and alone in your own arena. "point taken" he says. "i think it's fair that i cheer for sf on the sf side" he then says. good. i say and then go back to yelling.
emchy: (Default)
in case i was prepared to ignore said universe in it's desire to kick my ass and make me grateful. ok. i get it. plus - reminders - the birds were singing. that does in fact mean it all gets better. rain came tonight. rain and a rediscovered leonard cohen album which i can't stop listening to. i feel happy and like i want some of the old powdered sandalwood incense that i used to buy from the witchy shop on clark & belmont to try and burn tonight.

i used to have this hand me down candleholder that travis had made and then gave to me one day when we were feeling too dramatic and sentimental. i held onto it like a lifeline all through high school. i would go to chicago a lot in those days to visit claire. claire who i always had the big crush on and so we would make out with the same boy in the same room - trading his mouth between us to get closer to each other. claire would burn incense to hide the smell of cigarettes from her father. her mother would give us cartons. but her father - we had to hide them. she didn't just burn sticks though. much like she only wore chanel perfume, and her stompy tights cost $75 from bloomingdales - er incense also felt like a rich person ritual and i ate it up like the late night pizza we ordered every time we did acid. she lit charcoal and poured the incense over to make it burn - filling the room with stronger sweeter more delicious smoke than any simple stick. she took me to "her store" and i got my magic bag of sweet powder. i felt like i had bought contraband. something that was sacred.

i was absorbed in the glamour of her ritual - but didn't pay enough attention though. it was style over substance and so when i took my packet of charcoal and powder back to the cluttered walls of my plain bedroom I always ended up with charcoal smoke and water putting out the fire. my candleholder from travis was the safest place to try and light the incense. combining lives and friends and this close to my heart sort of magic.  i moved out of my parents house and into my own and went back to buying sticks of incense. and then stopped buying it altogether.
tonight is the first night that i want it again.

rainy and romantic and writing and
this sort of dark and relaxed and pleased warm in my chest.
i feel like a sleepy cat just woken to petting.
and it's all coming from in me. a return to liking the person in my skin for a while.
i had lunch with a good friend today. i wrote / fixed / edited / revised a thingy. i got all fancy effiecient at work.
i ate a healthy dinner. i have the music. i talked and hung out a bit with the wife and now we're both in our offices working on our own art stuff. i feel balanced and good. it always feels so tenuous. so delicate.

i miss the people in my life that aren't anymore. but i miss them in a good way. knowing that we needed to move on to become who we needed to be. and that now - for some of us - we're not the right people to be friends anymore. still though i love them. love how we were friends. our innocence and energy and connections. when i am 65 will i look back at my friends now and who fell away and see the same innocences? who will stay for the long haul in the rollercoaster of human connections and who will veer onto other paths. i don't think that any of the people who are in my "past" are locked there forever. and in some ways - they are the makeup and background and part of the tapestry that is who i am now and who i will be evolving into.

it's a lot to think about. and for once. it feels like a lot of good - no matter how much work it is. good heart work. not easy to always look at. but good - regardless.

October 2011

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